You guys should really submit some nouns for The More You Know. All I do is think of a noun and then figure out something to say about it and it never makes sense to anyone but me.

• Here’s a preview of the new, big, gay neighbors on Desperate Housewives.
• Rory Gilmore’s dad will be joining Private Practice.
• Jon Stewart signed another two-year contract with The Daily Show.
• TV Guide’s Ask Matt tackles Dirty Sexy Money and Reaper.
• Big Bang Theory and Private Practice have full season orders.  Sigh.
• Check out the huge, crazy new Daily Show Web site.
• Debi Mazar on a New Jersified version of The View?
• The dude who does Meerkat Manor chats with the Washington Post.
• TV on your iPod?

While watching (and only intermittently enjoying) Reaper yesterday I realized how much I was looking forward to Wednesday night’s television options.

Pushing Daisies is the Ecstasy of my TV week: After watching it, I end up loving everything and grinning so hard my face hurts. Dirty Sexy Money is the top-shelf vodka: It may not be a real hard-core drug, but it’s smooth and makes things perhaps more funny and exciting than they are usually. Gossip Girl, despite my continued vendetta against one of its leading men, is the hard lemonade: A drink aimed primarily for already-drunk high school sophomores, but not bad tasting every once in a while.

I don’t condone Dan’s continued support of Bionic Woman, but I thought I’d mention it just because I know he’ll be paying attention. Bionic Woman is the flat, warm Red Bull of the TV Week: Forced excitement that tastes like garbage.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: Wednesday’s other programming… Private Practice is the Xanax. Back to You is the Merlot. Kid Nation is the Adderall. Criminal Minds is the NyQuil.

So: Dirty Sexy Money.

It’s certainly not the most talked-about show this season — it’s no Bionic Woman or Pushing Daisies as far as buzzing lips go — but I’ve decided that it’s going to stick around in my viewing schedule. At least for a while. It’s certainly among the best of the 2007 season’s new shows.

For the uninitiated, here’s the premise: Peter Krause stars as Nate Fis– I mean, Nick George (seen glowering at right). Nick is a do-good attorney in New York. His whole career is based out of daddy issues — that is, he got into charity cases because of his estrangement with his father, who spent his entire life babysitting an extravagantly wealthy family called the Darlings (great name). The family, as Maggie pointed out, is very reminiscent of the Bluths from Arrested Development. They’re drunk, wild with privilege, reasonably attractive and never have anything constructive to say.

The Darlings are:

• Patrick (William Baldwin) who may as well be named Patrick Kennedy-Petrelli, as he is the archetype of the slicked-back philandering politician. This time, however, he’s boffing a transgendered woman. Aha! Didn’t see that one coming, did you?
• Karen, who used to have a thing with Nick. She’s probably the most forgettable of the bunch.
• Juliet and Jeremy, the twins. Juliet is a thinly veiled interpretation of Paris Hilton while Jeremy dresses like the touring guitarist for My Chemical Romance (or Fall Out Boy or whatever). They’re both socialites and they both have a Nell-ish way of communicating with each other.
• Brian — a man of the cloth who comes the closest of all the Darlings to being an out-and-out sociopath. He’s got a bastard child who they’re trying to hide.
• Tripp and Letitia — Papa and Mama Darling. It ends up she had been bonking Nick’s dad for years while Tripp silently turned the other cheek. Tripp, despite being played by Donald Sutherland, doesn’t seem that malicious in general. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time.

So, after the death of Nick’s father, Tripp bribes Nick to take his father’s old job: the family’s lawyer-slash-babysitter. He offers Nick ten million smackers for all of his pet causes. Needless to say, that’s where the show’s (awful?) title comes into play. There’s a whole lot more to say — you know these huge ensemble dramas — but that’s the gist.

Oh, and Tripp may have killed Nick’s dad. LOL.

I think the thing that Dirty Sexy Money does best, and this is a weird compliment to give, is pacing. There are a lot of plotlines, but they don’t spend too much time on any one. The briskness prevents us from caring too deeply about any of the plotlines, which, to be honest, probably wouldn’t stand up to too much scrutiny. In addition, the whole Papa George murder mystery is always quietly simmering in the background adding a layer of gravity.

The plotlines are uneven as far as how interesting they are. I generally find that I’m more interested in Patrick and his secret girlfriend, the murder mystery and the secret minister baby. The stuff involving the superficial wonder twins, not so much.

I’d say Dirty Sexy Money is a really solid show. It’s not going to go in the annals of anything, at least not yet, but it’s well acted and engaging. Very well acted actually.

Peter Krause is the center of it all and holds the whole shebang together. It’s funny — sometimes he gets this exasperated tone in his voice it totally takes me back to Six Feet Under. When Nick is trying to keep his composure in the face of the family’s antics, I totally feel like we’re back in the Fisher house and Claire’s going to walk in and say something cynical while David quietly stews in the corner. Jesus God, I miss that show.

Dirty Sexy Money’s on tonight at 10 on ABC.

Howl.

• There are already rumors/denials about Project Runway 4.
• American Idol is violating child labor laws.
• Life is imitating art with Dirty Sexy Money’s heiress.
• Elvira talks about her reality competition show.
• Will viewers accept female anti-heroes?
• Wednesdays on ABC are looking good.

The “pie-lette” of Pushing Daisies was as lovely as everyone said it would be: gorgeous, odd, unpredictable, and sweet. It’s the only show in my personal line-up without a strong sense of ironic detachment, which makes it a nice breather from the witty meanness of your Houses and your Reapers and even your deconstructionist Heroes. I’m deeply curious what the second episode will bring, because the pilot did not really try to establish a pattern for future shows — another thing that seems out of fashion nowadays (according to Jane, at least). And to all those worried about an early cancellation — it actually won its time slot last week. Fingers crossed for not too much drop-off.

Dirty Sexy Money, even with that hardboiled veneer of corruption and lies and selfishness that Pushing Daisies mercifully lacks, is still one of my favorite new shows. I heard some complaints about the drop-off in quality of the second episode, but I didn’t see it. The stuff with Brian and his illegitimate son? The depths of Donald Sutherland’s lying to preserve his life? Hiring a replacement for Juliet? There’s a lot of funny and emotionally interesting stuff happening. Check it out.

There’s something appealing about the embracing of trashiness in Gossip Girl, despite the fact that I’m growing to hate Penn Badgley with the fire of a thousand suns. It’s like Dirty Sexy Money Junior.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: Bionic Woman is dead to me after last week’s uber-boring entry. And just watching Isaiah Washington makes my skin crawl.

A great surprise last week: Dirty Sexy Money.

Peter Krause makes everything look interesting, and the cast of wackies they’ve pulled together for the crazy rich family, the Darlings, are all compelling in their own way. Parts of it reminded me vividly of Arrested Development, actually, especially the family meeting at the beginning where everyone’s drunk and arguing. Of the troubled Darlings, I think the philandering, hate-filled priest, Brian, is particularly fascinating. The whole thing is very promising, and I can’t wait to see where they’re going with it. Let me know if you agree.

Of course, I haven’t seen Pushing Daisies yet, so in all likelihood, I don’t know what a good pilot really looks like. Basically, you must watch Pushing Daisies, or you will go to TV Hell, which only shows repeats of According to Jim. And oh my god, the pilot is called “Pie-lette.” He makes pies, get it? Seriously, though, I am pretty excited about this.

Oh man, Bionic Woman. I had so many problems with the pilot I barely know where to start. The writing was sloppy, everything happened so fast so we didn’t care about any of the people, why was anyone doing anything, and so much more I’ve already blocked out. I’m giving it another week or two to get on track, because I really want to like it, but it’s not looking good.

Casey, Hung, and Dale face off in the finale of Top Chef, which I egregiously omitted from last Wednesday’s TotT. Will Casey’s food with soul triumph over Hung’s technically mastery? Why is Dale still in this competition?

Gossip Girl continues. I actually think I may have to put this one out to pasture. My Wednesday can only hold so many absurdly rich people from the Upper East Side, and Dirty Sexy Money has a slight edge right now — and some great actors (Dan Humphrey, you are not forgiven. Especially because they keep showing that one line in the “previously on…”).

South Park premieres its 11th season, and in case you haven’t seen the incessant promos, Cartman is diagnosed with Tourette syndrome. Helpful TiFaux hint: with the Top Chef/Dirty Sexy Money time slot conflict, Kyle is ingeniously taping the midnight rerun.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: Memo to Kid Nation: I’m not taping you, but I’m hoping everything’s going all right in your crazy manipulative ghost town. Someone will let me know if Sophia gets a crush on Greg, right?