Heroes is kicking ass, isn’t it? The grim future, the ever-mysterious-er present, the growing camaraderie. There’s only three more episodes before the end of the season, and I can’t wait to see the craziness unfold.

You know what doesn’t kick ass any more? 24. I can’t believe how quickly this show nosedived. The producers keep talking about how they’re going to shake things up next year, but honestly, if they were capable of bringing any sort of freshness or insight to Jack’s world, don’t you think they would’ve done that this season? Why would they purposely be lazy and tired if they had any new ideas at all?

It’s Marshall and Lily’s wedding on How I Met Your Mother. I really hope they have some sort of explanation for that truly terrible hat Marshall was wearing last week in the brief glimpse of the wedding. If it turns out to be some sort of religious garment, I apologize in advance for my ignorance. Seriously, though, I doubt it’s religious — it looks like a tuxedo and a raincoat gave birth to a fedora.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: Quick, someone write a movie about it — Talk to Me: Hostage Negotiators of the NYPD. Oh, has that been done already?

True? Not true?

So, how fun is Heroes? SO fun. Tonight’s episode is in the future. The bad future! I can’t wait. I also just wanted to point out that the only comments for this post were about how cute Peter’s new hair is. I don’t know what that means, except that apparently people have very strong opinions on Peter Petrelli’s hair.

24 continues whatever it’s doing now. Remember way back when Jack killed that guy by biting his neck? Did you ever think you’d be so disappointed in the show as you are now?

Barney goes on The Price Is Right tonight on How I Met Your Mother. Because of course he does.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: A PBS documentary about the Mormons. Or Hitler’s underground lair on Cities of the Underworld on the History Channel. But seriously, just watch Heroes.

When we last left our Heroes (hehe), Claire was on the run with the help of Peter’s mom (!), Mohinder was on the ceiling, and the world was probably going to blow up any day now. Tonight, more stuff! I’m avoiding spoilers, so you’ll just have to read them yourself, or live in the moment.

Now that this season of 24 is drawing to a close, it’s safe to say that it hasn’t really lived up to the previous ones. Are we just sick of the concept? Are the writers? Or, optimistically, are they lulling us into a sense of false security so they can blow our minds in the finale?

Hey, Everybody Hates Chris is back! Watch it instead of How I Met Your Mother, which is a repeat. On second thought, HIMYM is a repeat of the Robin Sparkles episode, so that’s kind of a toss-up.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: NBC, the network most often referred to as “classy,” has decided play against type and give up on classiness altogether by airing The Real Wedding Crashers, the most terrifying idea for a reality show ever. Look, just because the bride and groom are in on it doesn’t make it any less stupid, uncomfortable, and (most likely) unwatchable. Almost makes you think Aaron Sorkin had a point.

Our long national nightmare is now over.

• Get the Planet Earth DVDs for $42. Relive the carnage.
• Mark Burnett says he’s going to take The Apprentice somewhere else if NBC cancels it.
• Sanjaya’s gone on AI — hopefully this will damage ratings.  Also, the suits on the show deny that the show is one big glass closet.
• Laguna Beach might be cancelled.  In other breaking news — Laguna Beach is still on the air.
• The Henry Rollins Show is back on IFC.  This week’s guest was Peaches, singer of “Fuck the Pain Away” and “Lovertits.” True story: I saw her perform lewd acts on stage at the Siren Music Festival on Coney Island.
• Joan and Melissa are out and Lisa Rinna is in for the red carpet at the TV Guide Channel. I can’t imagine how they thought that was a good idea.
• Neil Patrick Harris came out to avoid a “witch hunt.”
• Isaiah Washington to play a sexually abused priest.
• Lots of gay in the news today: there’s going to be another fabulous coming-out on the show Brothers and Sisters.
• Clyde Drexler is refershingly candid about how happy he was to be voted off Dancing with the Stars.
• Is House slowly acquring Hugh Laurie’s traits?
• According to Jenna Fischer, she and Angela Kinsey are BFF.

With all these unexpected and probably untrue rumors about its possible non-renewal, I’ve been thinking a bit about How I Met Your Mother. Despite my occasional ambivalence toward the show, I think it would be sad for it to be canceled.

It’s not mind-blowingly awesome the way my “favorite” comedies are: it doesn’t have elaborate, painstaking continuity and jokes that layer on top each other and build to delightful absurdity, it’s not particularly quirky or unexpected or mean, it’s not re-inventing anyone’s idea of what makes funny television.

It’s relaxed. (Sometimes to the point of not trying very hard.) The characters are likable, and none of them are those awkward plastic hot people you see so often in sitcoms. I mean, you even know what they do for a living, and you see them doing it — architect, reporter, lawyer, teacher, Barney. The show is sincere, often to the point of being very, very cheesy. But it’s a weirdly accurate description of what being 20-something in New York is like.

And at times, it will surprise you — not with a crazy new joke, but with plots that can feel (I hesitate to say it) subversive. The fact that Barney, the rich, superficial, commitment-phobe man-slut, is played by the openly gay Neil Patrick Harris is one of their big, welcome twists. The episode where his brother, played by Wayne Brady, visits him and announces that he’s going to get married — to another man — is a great example of the show teasing your expectations. It’s not that Wayne Brady is black, it’s not that he’s gay, it’s not that Barney’s upset by gay marriage per se. It’s that Barney’s brother would abandon their “lifestyle,” what he thought made them brothers: not getting married. The fact that he can and should be able to get married isn’t even discussed; it’s assumed by the all the characters. For a somewhat staid, conventional show, that’s a good place to ground your characters.

Last night’s episode had another example in Marshall’s bachelor party. Marshall doesn’t want a stripper; the idea of having someone strip embarrasses and upsets him. Because honestly — having people take off their clothes for you while they writhe around? That’s weird and gross. It’s a tired cliche to say that guys love nothing more than a stranger’s pair of saggy boobs shaking in their face, and it’s nice to have a show that doesn’t take the easy “guys-love-strippers” route. (Barney, of course, does love strippers. But he’s clearly wrong. And his misogyny, as always, is tempered by the fact that he’s not a super-buff football-type fratty asshole — he’s Neil Patrick Harris.)

It’s a show that earns its place on the TiFaux line-up. It’s never at the very top of the heap, but I never feel like I’d stop watching, either. To replace it with another monstrosity like “The Class” or “Two and Half Men” would be a shame. For one thing, I doubt you’d get gems like this, when Barney recalls a previous stripper:

Barney: Yeah, you’re right. She’s 15.
Ted: (horrified) She was 15 years old?
Barney: No, no. Like in Blackjack.
Ted: She’s a 15… so… you’re not sure whether you’d hit that?

Snap out of it!

President Palmer continues to be totally crazy tonight on 24. It sure seems like Unnamed Middle-Eastern Country is going to get itself bombed unnecessarily. Jack, what are you going to do about it?

How I Met Your Mother returns tonight, featuring Marshall’s bachelor party. No doubt you can imagine how Barney might react to such an event.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: Special Edition: Do Not Watch This Show! Thank God You’re Here, an unbelievably painful-looking “improv” show, debuts tonight on NBC. Poor Joel McHale.

You know who you are.

• Little People, Big World returns tonight with one of the kids being hit by a 2,000 pound slab of concrete.
• TV Guide interviews the creator of How I Met Your Mother, who isn’t that worried about getting picked up for a third season.
• Season two of Weeds is up on iTunes.
• Get your inhaler! Battlestar marathon in May!
• A blogger examines the sausage party that is Lost.
• Julia Louis-Dreyfus seems to be taking her defeat in the TiFaux Tournament in stride — giving an interview about her Emmy and her show.
• John C. McGinley got married to his girlfriend who looks like, but is not Ali Larter.
• Michael Imperioli talks to People about The Sopranos’ last season.
• Battlestar: the movie?
• The Hills’ LC uses awkwardly constructed sentences to deny the existence of a sex tape.
• Finally, you can read about the much-ballyhooed Seven Minute Sopranos recap, or you can watch it below.

Before we get down to business… Remember to vote in the Hotness Tournament! And a brief warning: We are switching hosting services this week, so don't be surprised if there a couple hours sans-TiFaux in the next day or two. Don't worry. The tournament will soldier on.

Sadly, I think that was the last we're going to see of Martha and Charles Logan on 24. I was a little disappointed Martha was so unhinged. I guess it shows that it wasn't just Charles's bad husbanding that drove her to self-medicate and freak out. I've lost track of where the main story is now, but no doubt we're all in some serious, serious danger.

Dream away, you crazy kids

Robin and Ted are moving in together on How I Met Your Mother. No fictional representation of moving in New York can ever possibly come close to the actual stress that moving in New York inspires. Side note: Robin has such a nice apartment. Probably smells like dogs, though.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: John Waters's new show on CourtTV premieres tonight. It features dramatic recreations of spouses killing each other. A campier, true-life Monk, maybe?

HIMYM brings us a flashback episode tonight. There's something so cheap and dirty about the fun of flashbacks. I always like watching them, but I feel all wrong about it. Usually flashbacks only show up once we've developed an attachment for the characters, so seeing them dressed funny/acting young/being ironic about their plans and their futures will always make us smile because we know better now, and the shows know that. But it's hard to find a flashback that's more than those easy jokes.

Everybody Hates Chris is like a series that's entirely a flashback. I'm okay with that, though. 

Who is this? No, really?

Jack has to go see EVIL PRESIDENT LOGAN tonight on 24. I can only hope this means that Martha Logan's just around the corner.

Heroes is being strangled, beaten, and ripped limb from limb by the NBC promo department. Please, please give it a rest, people. I know they're all excited that people seem to like it, but they are very close to ruining the show. Some stuff happens with Bennet tonight, as Dan pointed out.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: The Black Donnellys premieres tonight in Studio 60's spot. I'm not going to watch it (ugh, Haggis), I'm just glad it's there. 

Not a very promising weekend for television. This whole post is pretty much we interrupt your regularly scheduled programming. But I'm including Monday because of the holiday, so that helps.

On Friday night, there's a Lifetime original movie from 1996, For My Daughter's Honor, which sounds delightfully cheesy if you enjoy that sort of thing. Alyson Hannigan's in it, and the girl who was Maggie in The Nanny stars. Please, please click on that link and read the user comments. I promise it's worth it.

On Saturday, they're repeating Justin Timberlake's latest SNL appearance, which, as everyone knows because we all saw it the first time, was awesome. The Disney Channel's playing the Lindsay Lohan Parent Trap. It's adorable. Shut up. TBS has Cheaper By the Dozen for the thousandth time, which I only mention so I know to avoid it like the plague to keep from falling into another Tom Welling coma. Best of all, WE is playing Girl, Interrupted and IFC has thirteen. Which troubled teen girl movie will you be watching?

Sunday's episode of Battlestar Galactica better be better than last week's, or there's going to be hell to pay from the internets. It's all about the Chief and Cally, so… okay. I love the Chief. But I love Helo, too, and that didn't really help last week. It's not a fatal blow to the series, but it is a little disheartening. So let's get back on track, Show!

Then Monday — lovely Monday. Ted's got to throw away some crap and Lily's in a play in HIMYM, and though it sounds a tad Joey to me, I dig it. Chris wants to go to Ghostbusters on Everybody Hates Chris — got to love those period details. Heroes introduces a new Hero (eventually they'll stop doing this, right? or do we even want them to?) and we're back with Ultimate Superhero Peter for a while. Jack gets really, really mad at Marilyn on 24, and for good reason. Why is everyone so stupid about their lives and the lives of their loved ones on that show? Don't they know the fate of the world depends on them being selfless?

And then there's Studio 60, the show that might have been, that continues to self-destruct in a fiery blaze. To paraphrase Lorelai Gilmore, "You're the show I want to want." Sorkin is a very good writer, but these are not lived-in characters with flaws and quirks; they're half an idea of a character. No one's thought these people through; no one's sat in a room and hashed out why and how these people are who they are: everything they do is forced on them without any thought or grace. Anyway, catch the infuriating madness before it's gone forever.