There are a lot of denture commercials on daytime TV.

• Maya Rudolph to the world: “Ha, ha. J/K. LOL. I’m staying on SNL. OMG.”
• Timothy Hutton will try to make a go of TV after Kidnapped by making a TNT pilot.
• Jack Bauer’s next mission: find an effing designated driver.
• Tina Fey talks to the New York Times.
• Your cable company might be participating in Showtime’s free preview weekend, which will allow you to see the season premieres of Dexter and Brotherhood.
• James Marsters will be coming to Smallville this season.
• Jillian, the trainer from The Biggest Loser, talks about why she took a season off.
• Game time — America’s Next Top Model winner/train wreck Adrianne Curry has declared war on which of the following: leggings, Black History Month, Charlie Sheen, the state of Idaho. Click here to find out the answer.
• CBS is tweaking Cane to appease a real life Cuban sugar cane family.
• BET is changing toward a more “mature” direction.
• Nashville is getting yanked.
• John From Cincinnati is now on Friday Night Lights.

Leave Applebee’s alone.

• Chris Crocker, the gay dude who did that hideous “Leave Britney alone” video, might get a reality TV show.
• Is Kathy Griffin engaged to the Apple guy?
• Watch the second season premiere of Friday Night Lights online.
•  Sherri Shepherd talks about her new deal with The View.
• Slate examines the history of the laugh track.
• The top two from Big Brother talk to TV Guide.
• Someone’s coming back from the dead on 24.
• NBC Direct is coming — kind of cool, but kind of not.

I need to find something to eat.

• Kathy Griffin won an Emmy!
• TV Guide offers a preview of the Greek finale. And a bunch of other shows of the Monk/The 4400 ilk.
• Georgetown Law is offering a class based on 24.
• Apple wants to offer TV downloads for a buck.
• Bisexual dating show pits lesbians against straight guys. My money’s on the lesbians.
• They’re trying to make people interested in the non-naked parts of the HBO show Tell Me You Love Me.
• Jason Bateman is unexpectedly optimistic about the possibility of an Arrested Development movie.
• Nick Hornby interviews The Wire’s David Simon for The Believer.
• Time chose the 100 best shows of all time.
• James Gandolfini is hosting an Iraq documentary on HBO.

We’ve got some ominous clouds looming.

• House’s Jennifer Morrison and Jesse Spencer have called off their engagement.
• James Marsters has scored a recurring role on Without a Trace. His character’s name? Detective Mars. I swear to God.
• The young people love The Hills.
• Zap2It matches all the presidential candidates to Law and Order characters.
• Kathie Lee will make a return appearance on Regis and Kelly.
• The House soundtrack album will feature Massive Attack, Elvis Costello and Josh Ritter.
• 24 production has been delayed.
• That “Officer and a Gentleman” bachelor and his chosen have called off their engagement, but are allegedly still together.
• David Milch is rebounding from John From Cincinnati with a Vietnam-era cop show.
• Weeds is doing well in the ratings.
• A new Ask Ausiello’s got stuff on Nip/Tuck, Scrubs and Desperate Housewives.
• Finally, start your morning off right with this package of Tina Fey Weekend Update best-ofs.

AARP here I come!

• The America’s Got Talent million-dollar grand prize is all full of legal strings.
• Both Jillian and Kim will be on The Biggest Loser to help scream at heavy people.
• Ladies, it’s not too late to be exploited by Flava Flav. Casting is open.
• They’re adding even more people to The Bionic Woman. Shouldn’t they have this stuff kind of set by now?
• E! talks to a 24 producer.
• Rebecca DeMornay talks about John from Cincinnati. Breaking news: Rebecca DeMornay is both alive and on John from Cincinnati.
• This is way old, but watch the George Washington rap.

I’m tying a giant ice cube on top of my head as we speak.

• Gordon Ramsay from Hell’s Kitchen talks to TV Guide.
• As does Holly Hunter, about her new show Saving Grace. Holly Hunter = slumming it?
• Cherry Jones will be the new president on 24.
• Jack Black, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert will be on The Simpsons next season.
• The Television Critics Awards bestow honors on The Sopranos and NBC.
• Anyone watch Bones? Here’s some info on next season.
• The Soup’s Joel McHale gabs with E!.
• If it comes to this — you can watch the season premieres of Monk and Psych online.
• A profile of SNL’s Andy Samberg.
• What Would Bob Odenkirk TiVo?
• Gilmore Girls’ Scott Patterson had a deal that kept him on the CW.
• Scott Baio and Bret Michaels: oy.
• For some reason, NBC is trying to hang onto Jay Leno.
• Did Emmy rob Tracy Morgan?
• Dawn Ostroff defends the Veronica Mars cancellation.

A healthy, plump little morsel for you.

• Lili Taylor’s in a new show and you can watch the whole thing on Yahoo.
• MSN names the 10 best actors on TV, including the guy who plays Ben on Lost, Hugh Laurie and Creed from The Office.
• I guess something happened on Criminal Minds. Does E-Kristin have the scoop?
• Speaking of shows I’ve never seen, Army Wives was renewed.
• FX is going to air the “anti-24.” 
• Six Feet Under’s Freddy Rodriguez will be on Ugly Betty.
• Marketing savants are rebranding Court TV as TruTV.
• E-Kristin has some TV press tour info, including stuff on Extras and Deadwood.
• Take a look at the new trailer for the third season of The Hills.
• Here’s a blog post about Bob Saget, who I still can’t accept using naughty words.
• What’s the story with Deadwood movies?
• Superman has found a Supergirl.
• Scott Baio discusses his loss of virginity. Eww.
• Illeana Douglas will be on Ugly Betty next season.
• NPR’s Car Talk is getting animated.
• Finally, here’s a gift for the Battlestar crowd.

I wish I could live in one.

• Smashing Pumpkins, Spoon and Interpol are all going to be on TV this week. And more.
• Best Week Ever comes up with three more Krasinski expressions.
• Two gay guys lived the dream: having Tori Spelling officiate their gay wedding.
• Production on 24 has been held up.
• In turn, AfterEllen does the seven coolest female geeks.
• Remember when Fox canceled Drive and said they’d air the remaining episodes on July 4 and then said ‘nevermind, let’s do it later in July’? Well, nevermind again.
• Jillian Barberie has multiplied.
• Elvira talks about her new reality show.
• No more frontal male nudity on Entourage? A nation weeps.
• Victoria Beckham, plugging her new show, says she’s just a “normal girl from London.” Sure, Vic, so am I…
• The end of Monk?
• Kathy Griffin mulls The View co-hosting gig.
• Mindy Kaling talks about Ryan on The Office.
• Do I want some American Idol-brand jeans? Hell yeah!
• An interview with Michael Cera about Clark and Michael.
• Finally: Koreans love Wentworth Miller. Maggie, Kyle, Cristin — is this the answer we’ve been searching for? Now we just have to figure out which country adores Maura Tierney.

I have tomato, basil, mozzarella, olive oil and balsamic vinegar.  Mmmmmmm…

• E-Kristin says one Hero was missing from a recent press event. Is that a sign?
• Planet Earth HD DVDs are selling like hotcakes. Brutal, bloody hotcakes.
• Steve Carell swoons over John Krasinski too.
• TV Guide has some news on the next season of 24.
• A preview of Stargate SG-1’s finale.
• American Dad has been renewed.
• Drew Carey is hosting a game show.
• The Office will get syndicated on TBS.
• The whole Isaiah Washington mess is getting ugly, out of hand and boring. All at the same time.
• The Indecision 2008 Web site is up.
• The next co-host on The View could be a gay man. This just in: gay men aren’t women.  It’s just a fact.
• The guy who played Johnny Sack is the only Sopranos cast member to say that the finale blew.
• The AV Club talks to the man behind Spongebob.
• Steve-o from Jackass has some awful show.

Breakfast. (Of the things we eat.)

• The speed skater won Dancing with the Stars.
• Fox is blaming sinking Idol ratings on DVR. Meanwhile, Dial Idol (which is pretty much always right) has determined tonight’s winner. And (sorry, I’ll just get rid of all this AI crap in one bullet), Sanjaya claims that his entire persona was an art project and his name is really Bill Vendall.
• An interview with Alex and Rousseau from Lost inUSA Today. Has plot info — you might want to hold off til tomorrow. I am.
• More Battlestar people are going to appear onThe Bionic Woman.
• Poor kid. Jenna Fischer thanks her well-wishers.
• The 24 finale sucked. The Heroes finale left some big questions.
• Stone Phillips is leaving Dateline. Fun fact: he has been on the show since The New Deal.
• E!’s Kristin (who, by the way, I love) has some Veronica-related tidbits, including a new Rob Thomas project.
• A new Ask Ausiello. If that’s not enough to make you click the link, I’ve got three words: Gilmore Girls movie.
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck talks to TV Guide. No comment.
• What gives with Karen/Rashida Jones on The Office?
• The NY Times likes Harold from Top Chef’s restaurant. I’m thinking about recapping Top Chef this season because, you know, summer’s coming.  We’ll see.