I hate time travel.

Not that I’ve really done it myself (unless you count my trips to visit my extended family in small midwestern towns — which is basically like stepping back into the fifties). But on the large and small screen, I find that time travel is often one the most confusing, ridiculous and uninteresting ways to structure a story. Which is why I’m so disappointed that Lost has so heavily incorporated it into this season and, if you ask me (which you didn’t), completely lost its footing. Especially after it unexpectedly got awesome again last season.

I am, admittedly, one episode behind, but I find this whole conceit that the castaways are ping ponging through time a bit tedious. The time travel aspect has added so many layers of possibility to an already-dauntingly detailed story — it makes me less interested in keeping up with what’s going on on the show. It’s like the latter seasons of The X-Files, when everything got so mixed up with government conspiracy that I finally stopped caring what was happening. And then I gave up.

I think there are two reasons I hate time travel stories.

First, they sacrifice story for flash. It’s a dramatic, but hollow, construct that muddles character development. If the Lost story progressed in a linear way, not only would the story make a hell of a lot more sense, but we’d get to see the characters develop naturally. But now the characters are constantly reeling from the shifts in time and hardly have time to regain their orientation to their surroundings before they’re thrown into another crazy situation.

But the second, more important, reason is that time travel stories inevitably invite the viewer to poke holes in the story. In the end, it’s all about suspension of disbelief — and a special kind of suspension at that. You’re not trying to overlook how unlikely a situation is, you’re trying to overlook the glaring inconsistencies and questions about why things went down the way they did.

Let me explain. Remember that movie Speed with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock? Specifically, the scene where they have to make the bus jump the gap in an incomplete bridge? They did it, flawlessly of course, and even chubby, sweatpantted, 14-year-old Dan knew how ridiculous it was. But, at the same time, it was an action movie with Keanu effing Reeves and even though I didn’t really know it at the time, I was willing to forgive them in the name of fantasy.

With time-travel, though, it’s a different kind of suspension of disbelief. You’re basically forced to overlook all of the reasons why certain things wouldn’t make sense. These stories (which have played out in Heroes, Sarah Connor, etc.) always invite people to ask “If this happened, then wouldn’t that have happened.”

At this point, I’m worried that there’s no turning back for Lost and that everything’s grown too sprawling and grandiose. But I’ll still watch.  Hell, I’ve sunk enough time into the show — may as well ride it out.

I don’t know if you know this already, but Lost comes back tonight. What? It’s been covered in pretty much ever media outlet? I hadn’t noticed.

Fine, I have. Here is a sample of the chattering:

• God, when was that last episode? If, like me, you’ve already forgotten everything, TV Guide reminds you where everyone was when last season ended.
• Jorge Garcia (Hurley) makes the rounds, talking to both New York and Time Out New York. Dude.
• A.V. Club’s “The Hater” comes up with yet another Lost drinking game. Take a drink whenever Juliet makes her bitch-face, y’all.
• Vulture compiles a list of 20 questions they’d like to see answered this season. (“How big was the settlement from Oceanic Airlines?…Did they get billions? If so, why can’t they just pay Ben or Charles Widmore to explain what the hell is going on?”) The site also compiles a list of the Internet’s craziest theories about the show.
• Even if you’ve research all of the crackpot theories, I bet you haven’t heard this one: Slate surmises that you can glean everything you need to know by watching the introductory scene of each season. Including this one.
• Stop Guessing! Ask Ausiello has some real info for you.

2008 was a little rough for the tube. I’m hoping for good things in 2009 — the return of many favorites, and maybe even some new shows to get behind!

My Favorite Thing of the Year, and Also The Only Good New Thing

The writers’ strike was a depressing time for everyone: no work for writers, no TV for us. And it had long-term repercussions, including the current dearth of high-quality new programming. But the writers’ strike did bring us one amazing thing: Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. With Neil Patrick Harris as a geeky singing evil-do-er, Nathan Fillion as a smarmy strongman, Felicia Day charming us all, and the funniest script of the year, Joss Whedon & Family have made the internet work the way it’s supposed to.

Let’s do the math: The entire musical (42 minutes, the length of your average one-hour TV show) is available online for free. I watch it repeatedly (free for me, indeterminate ad revenue for them). I buy it on iTunes to carry around on my iPhone ($5.99). I (maybe someday) buy the soundtrack on iTunes ($9.99). I get the DVD — featuring a WHOLE NEW musical commentary track, Commentary! The Musical — for Christmas ($14.99). One day I hope to buy Commentary! The Musical on iTunes, in which case they’ll get another $9.99 out of me. Basically, they hooked me with their awesome free entertainment, and subsequently I will buy whatever they want me to. Creatively and business-wise, excellent job all-around.

Also thank you for NPH’s delivery of the line “Emails!” which is how I say that word now.

Best Episode That Everyone Else Likes, Too

There’s not a lot of “event” TV any more; we’re all off in our little corners, watching TV on our laptops and twittering about facebook videos or something. So it was a rare feeling, watching Lost’s “The Constant,” and knowing in your gut that lots of other people saw it and liked it all at the same time. (You can watch it via ABC’s extremely annoying propriety video player here.) I like Lost episodes that play with the form (I admit to being a fan of the Nikki and Paolo episode), and this one played it up while finding an emotionally resonant story that built tension in the best possible way. It’s the only time this year that I was literally on the edge of my seat.

Best TV Show to Help You Deal With Your Crazy Family

The BBC America import Gavin and Stacey follows the courtship and marriage of geographically diverse Gavin and Stacey, but it’s really about their bizarre collection of relatives and friends. There’s the sincere to the point of madness Uncle Brin, the sensitive and emotional best friend Smithy, the panicked mother Pam, the dry and shock-proof best friend Nessa — this is a group of people that should not get along. They have absolutely nothing in common. And yet, for the sake of Gav and Stace, they willingly place themselves in the same room over and over again. And they end up having a pretty good time.

Diamond in the Rough Award

I’ve already talked a lot about how under-appreciated Greek is, but it’s worth saying again. This year, it was a show that I never felt hesitant about switching on — it was always going to be a treat. I don’t know if their writers aren’t in the union (it is on ABC Family, after all) or if it’s a quirk of scheduling, but they managed to put out great shows in even this year’s darkest strike-dimmed months. Yes, it is an hour-long dramedy about the running of fraternities and sororities at a fake college. But it’s also surprisingly funny and sweet. This is a show about young people that doesn’t take itself too seriously (cough-GOSSIP GIRL!-cough) and so manages to make us actually care about what happens to the characters.

Runner up: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. I don’t think we need to apologize for this show. But I’ll do it anyway: sure, it’s sometimes a little on the nose, and I wish there weren’t such a steady stream of time-travelers (otherwise why not just overwhelm us with them?), but overall it’s weird and dramatic and I like it. So there.

The Wish-for-More-Wishes Award: Five Amazing Performances

And five words to sum them up.

Neil Patrick Harris in How I Met Your Mother: Scheming sleaze hides sensitive heart.

Kristin Chenowith in Pushing Daisies: Itty Bitty has big voice.

Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock: Every line delivery absolutely perfect.

Stephen Colbert in The Colbert Report: Crazy person bends truth, reality.

Jennifer Carpenter in Dexter: Duped foul-mouth best sister ever.

Get ready for the Lost circus! They’ve released a new promo for the upcoming season.

There will be more explosions, more confusion, more Jack beards and more calmly-delivered portents from Ben.

Hi, I’m Marisa. As Dan mentioned, I’m going to get to chime in with my television opinions. (And I’m psyched!) I occasionally write about TV for PopMatters, but I watch way more TV than those reviews suggest. My favorite shows include more cartoons than most, especially long-gone favorites like Home Movies and Mission Hill. If you’re one of the lucky one million that lives in Westchester County, you can also tune into my other blog for everyone’s favorite pop-cultural coverage–the regional kind!

Okay, I’m done with my awkward introduction. On to Fringe, which had its 95-minute premiere last night. Coming from J.J. Abrams, I expecting nothing short of utter madness. After Alias, which I didn’t watch but I know that it had something to do with the prophecies set forth by a 15th-century artist, and Lost, with its smoke-monster that bludgeons people to death, a certain level of wackadoo had to be built in, right? So I stacked the first episode of Fringe up against Lost with regards to some common elements to see if J.J. has outdone himself with craziness.

**Warning! These comparisons contain massive spoilers!**

Here goes:

Unfortunate Plane Incident

Fringe: Passengers liquefy, leave skulls neatly in their seats.

Lost: Mysterious forces ground the plane abruptly on a freaky desert island.

Advantage: Fringe. Because, eww.

Crazy-Ass Experiments

Fringe: Brain-melding, reanimation, mind control, telekinesis.

Lost: Meteorology, psychology, parapsychology, zoology, and electromagnetism.

Advantage: Tie. Zoology doesn’t sound all that crazy, but it is when it involves corporate-logo-branded sharks.

Mad Scientist Performing Crazy-Ass Experiments

Fringe: Dr. Walter Bishop (John Noble), a semi-lucid, formerly institutionalized quack with a thirst for ginger ale.

Lost: Dr. Marvin Candle, who comes across as almost pleasant in those Dharma training videos.

Advantage: Fringe. Never trust a man who prefers ginger ale to cream soda.

Shadowy Behind-the-Scenes Corporation

Fringe: Massive Dynamic

Lost: The Widmore Corporation

Advantage: Who knows? It’s another tie, but I was leaning toward giving this round to Lost, since “Massive Dynamic” sounds like it has too many MBA buzzwords to be truly lethal.

Animals When You Least Expect Them

Fringe: A cow is brought to the wackolab because, apparently, cow DNA is very similar to human DNA. The cow’s true purpose was a cheap site gag that was one chromosome away from being a cow reaction shot.

Lost: Polar Bear out of nowhere.

Advantage: Lost, because I believe the polar bear really will serve a purpose. Remind me of this post when the series ends and I turn out to be horribly, horribly wrong.

Limb With Inappropriate Number of Digits

Fringe: The bumper graphic before a commercial break shows a hand with six fingers. Princess Bride fans perk up.

Lost: That they-promised-they’d-explain-it four-toed statue.

Advantage: Lost. Who knows if Fringe will deliver on the promise of a six-fingered person?

Proclivity for Nicknames

Fringe: Peter Bishop (Joshua “Pacey Forever” Jackson) calls Olivia Dunham (Anna “Wasn’t on Dawson’s Creek” Torv) “Sweetheart” an unnatural number of times.

Lost: Sawyer calls everyone everything from Chewbacca to Short Round

Advantage: Lost. It really is quite hilarious when you hear them all in a row like that.

So, for now, it looks like Lost is still the standard-bearer for craziness. But Fringe almost squeaked by with only one episode under its belt. I’m sure crazy is Fringe‘s growth industry. We’ll see how they compare at the end of their seasons.

• According to one poll, Hugh Laurie and Pushing Daisies’ Anna Friel are the Brits with the best American accents on TV. BuzzSugar wants to know who else does a good American accent. (BuzzSugar)
• Marcia and Fergus liveblogged Eurovision, the only music contest to feature Olympic ice skaters, knitting brides and pirates. Take that, American Idol. (Pop Vultures)
• Who’s the most overrated couple on television today? Meredith/Derek or Henry/Betty? You tell us. (RTVW Online)
• Scooter takes a look back at the fourth season of Lost and concludes it was better than the last two. (Scooter McGavin’s 9th Green)
• LOST. SO. AMAZING! (Vance is still gasping for air) (Tapeworthy)
• The highlight of Jace’s week? The jaw-dropping and brilliant season ender of Lost. The low point? Watching the pilot for the brutally awful US adaptation of Spaced. (Televisionary)
• The same-sex escapades continued on Work Out and our resident lesbians answered viewer questions about Jackie Warner’s taskmaster tendencies as well as the shameless hot tub scenes with Renessa and Greg. (TiFaux)
• Ashley picked her jaw off the floor long enough to reflect on the Lost finale and the season-ending shocker. (Tube Talk)
• The TV Addict offered up some summer viewing alternatives to help you get through the dark days of rerun/reality TV hell. [The TV Addict]
• Kate picked the top five summer shows she’s looking forward to this summer – and Wipeout wasn’t one of them, thank you very much. (TV Filter)

Hurley + baby = the cutest ever

Lost concludes its season tomorrow night, ending a pretty darn good season. It’s surprising, really, that the show would begin this upward trajectory at this point in the game when any series, much less a serialized one, would begin to seem a little long in the tooth.

Like any Lost finale, we know that big things are a-coming. It was just last year that my beloved Charlie kicked the bucket. And, as Daniel Dae-Kim says in this somewhat revealing LA Times article, there “will be casualties.”

For the record, my money is on at least one of the “rescue team.” Probably Red-Headed British Archaeologist Babe (so help me God, I can never remember character names) because the Lost team kind of has a thing for killing off its female cast members disproportionately. And, if they’re going to kill of a regular, I’m seriously going to go with Juliet. I’ve read that this finale will be a tear-jerker and I think killing Juliet would get the waterworks going. After all, in a series all about redemption arcs, Juliet has come full circle from being an Other to being a Valued Team Member of Oceanic 815. And it would also make Jack’s choice to go ahead and marry Kate a little less muddled.

Or, it could be Sawyer. But we’ll see. I’m basically just trying to list every character so I can say ‘I told you so’ on Friday morning.

Regardless, the Times article indicates that there will be another “game-changer” that will affect the way you watch future episodes. What could that be?

A few guesses:

• An original Oceanic survivor will have been an employee of Charles Widmore all along.
• Locke successfully moves the island, but at a price/with unexpected consequences.
• Castaways hijack the boat and set off into uncharted waters.
• Something with time travel that won’t make sense.

I’ve got my fingers crossed that Locke will die and Jin will survive, but I’m guessing both of those are long shots. Anybody else have some predictions?

Let’s revisit the old (olde?) TiFaux favorite Who Would Win in a Fight, shall we?

Now that I’m all caught up on Battlestar Galactica, I feel qualified to weigh in on its cast of characters — including everyone’s favorite accent-masking dreamboat Jamie Bamber as Lee “Apollo” Adama. Pit him against Josh Holloway’s twangy, nick-naming Sawyer and I think you’ve got a fairly even match — two pretty boy tough guys who are pretty and tough in completely different ways.

Let’s break it down.

Apollo

Strengths:

• Seasoned war veteran
• Tough boxer, as evidenced in that one boring episode in season three
• Big ole’ arms

Weaknesses:

• Easily exploitable emotional weak spots
• Not necessarily as formidable when he’s not in a plane
• Definitely the prettier of the pretty boys

Sawyer

Strengths:

• Scary stubble and tangled tresses
• Bad temper results in a lot of bold actions
• Vendetta against the world

Weaknesses:

• Needs glasses
• All talk, for the most part
• Undisciplined; general misanthropy doesn’t always translate to fighting prowess

Here lies Danielle Rousseau.

Like all the best French things, she was strange, mysterious and, most likely, smelly. Last week’s episode found her joining Mr. Eko’s “Well I Guess That Character Is Dead Now Club” of Lost folks who have experienced untimely and unceremonious demises.

Did anyone else feel like this was an unsatisfying end for a reasonably interesting character?  Especially since she’s been around since (pretty much) the beginning. I suppose half the point of killing her off so suddenly was the fact that it caught us all off guard, but for someone who’s been around so long I think I would have liked a little bit more hullabaloo.  When they killed Charlie, it was a whole half-season long arc and a final excruciating drowning scene. And Ana Lucia and Libby’s deaths were a hundred times more shocking because we never thought they were in danger to begin with.

In any case, Danielle.  We’ll miss you.  Your dirty hair. Your strange disappearances and resurfacings. Your mannish posture.

Au revoir.

Awww… it’s just like old times.  Want to bitch about Studio 60?

• Michelle Trachtenberg is joining the cast of Gossip Girl.
• Mr. Show’s Bob Odenkirk and David Cross are reuniting on a project called “David’s Situation.”
• In case anyone was wondering, The Bionic Woman is officially kaput.
• Things look good for a second season of The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
• A talk with Lost’s creator about last night’s episode.
• Michael from Lost talks to TV Guide.
• I can’t tell if this Lost/Battlestar Galactica comparison is annoying or profound.
• Rainn Wilson talks about Office spin-offs.
• Sock from Reaper talks to E! I have completely forgotten about that show.
• Looks like a few people actually posted the Spike graphic!  Take a look at Amuse Biatch, Wannabe Foodie and Cliffieland.