Recap:

Cristin writes: 

Wes and Johanna continue to rain hatred on one another as they look towards exile. The crazy kids decide that a costume party is just what they need to heat things up, and tonya throws on some red underwear, smears her makeup, and comes as… paris hilton? anna nicole? herself? We never find out. Wes and JoJo settle their issues while nestled in bunkbeds. Nothing says Responsible Adult Relationship like summer camp fixtures.

The Rollin In Oates challenge involves the competitors transferring sticky oats using only their bodys, and treats viewers to the sight of cuddly Eric in a speedo, who comments on how his balls are stifled by the swimsuit. "I'm all taters," he declares, and I promptly fall in love with him. Continuing in the theme of Using Inappropriate Body Parts To Attract Attention and Glory, Coral uses her massive boobs of hatred to move the oats (how I wish that was a metaphor), and Coral/ Evan take home yet another challenge.

Wes/Casey face Johanna/ Jesse in exile and, hey, has anyone else noticed that Jesse looks a lot like Mark Paul Gosselar? Well, if you didn't, you never will, cause they lose due to basic stupidity after forgetting to retrieve their team flags. Wes berates Casey through the entire mission, and during their tearful departure, Johanna tells Wes that he needs to be more respectful of his partner.

Cristin's two cents:

At this point, the person I most want to slap is Casey. Here's what Casey should do: wait until they get put into exile again, and the first time Wes screams at her that she's "useless" or declares her a "stupid bitch" on national television, she should sit down and refuse to move until he's spent a good ten minutes groveling. He cannot win without her, and he doesn't deserve to keep playing if he's going to be a ruthless, unmitigated dickhead. She has all of the power and doesn't even realize because, ironically, as Wes points out, she's a complete moron. Wes still deserves to get herpes for what he says to her, though. And now I've officially crossed the line and am Taking This Too Seriously.

Dan's two cents:

I've never really thought much about Johanna.  That is, thought about her at all.  She's the Sporty Spice, the thanks-for-coming-but-who-really-cares.  But I actually grew a little bit of respect for her when she put Wes in his place after the exile.  Her whole "would you want someone talking to your mom like that" speech was very effective and, if you saw him in the background during some closing shots, he was actually eating shit. 

In other news, could someone hire me to be a professional mess like Tonya?  And Cristin, is the discussion of one's "taters" all a man has to do to win your affections? I never pictured you as having a weakness for Southern-fried euphemisms.

The Scoreboard:

Teams:
Cristin's Blue Iguanas: Katie/Eric; Johanna/Jesse; Tonya/Johnnie; Theo/Chanda; Shane/Linette
Dan's Green Monkeys: Coral/Evan; Melinda/Ryan; Tina/Kenny; Darrell/Aviv; Derrick/Diem

Dan's old total: 18

Dan's new total: 26

Recap: 

Dan writes:

Episode 4 finds Wes continuing to be the douchiest douche that ever douched, Tina and Kenny in the hot seat (but not really) and everyone else excited that they don't have to make a decision for another week because Wes and Johanna are obviously going into exile.

The show starts off with a mini-profile of Tina and Kenny.  The verdict?  Tina's loud and Kenny's kind of a smug tool, but they seem to get along well enough — playfully pushing each other fully-clothed in the pool.  Oh youth! 

While the attention is nice, the only reason the editors have chosen to spotlight Tina and Kenny is to cast a little bit of doubt as to whether someone besides Wes will be immediately voted into exile.

The challenge this week, "Climber's Paradise," is basically a rock-climbing wall where the players have to create their own grips by matching shapes and inserting pegs into the wall.  It's not that exciting and half the teams don't even finish in time.  Tina and Kenny get DQed when she makes a swan dive after the second step.

So Coral and Evan eke out a victory over Shane/Linnette and Tonya/Johnny who tie for second.  At this point, Wes puts on his mastermind hat, desperately trying to convince Coral that Tina and Kenny deserve to go more than anyone.  She listens more politely than I imagined she would, but in the end the choice is obvious and Wes' reaction is even more obvious.

Now Wes has turned his attention to Johanna, trying to get her to rally for getting ouster of Tina/Kenny, in so doing, proves that he is not only an egomaniacal blowhard, but wildly abusive as well.  It gets ugly and Johanna throws a water bottle at him.  She's read same the tea leaves that everyone else has (except apparently, Wes) and at the deliberation, she's voted into exile wearing gigantic Nicole Ritchie sunglasses to conceal her weeping.

Cristin's two cents:

And we have the line of the season: Theo (on Wes): "I can't really understand him because I don't speak idiot." Oh Theo, you can be my last comic standing any day! I've never wished an STD on someone so hard as I have with Wes. He's a misogynistic asshole and shouldn't be allowed to touch Johanna, Peruvian whore that she might be. Also, I liked that MTV had to blur out Tonya's chest even while she was wearing a shirt. That girl is a heat seeking nipple when it comes to nudity. Girlfriend loves to take it off.

Dan's two cents:

Normally, I'd be endlessly frustrated by a reality character as arrogant as Wes.  However, it's made a lot easier for me based on the facts that he a) is the object of the entire cast's scorn b) consistently blows the challenges.  I've also found myself having a growing affection for Theo/Chanda, the lunk-headed southerner who fancies himself a comedian and the strong black woman.  I don't know, they're just cute.

The Scoreboard:

Teams:
Cristin's Blue Iguanas: Katie/Eric; Johanna/Jesse; Tonya/Johnnie; Theo/Chanda; Shane/Linette
Dan's Green Monkeys: Coral/Evan; Melinda/Ryan; Tina/Kenny; Darrell/Aviv; Derrick/Diem

Dan's old total: 11

Dan's new total: 18

Recap: 

Cristin writes:

Melinda/Ryan and Wes/Casey have been doomed to exile. Melinda and Ryan discuss her relationship with Danny and how it's fast-tracking her to a battered women's shelter, and she seems unconcerned. TJ sends out the clue for the Exile Challenge, in which he uses the term "tennis shoes" for sneakers and it makes me mad, because I'm a yankee and we don't talk like that.

The Jailbreak challenge involves digging through slop with your mouth to find a series of keys that will then unshackle you and your partner and release you from your cell. Johanna is "so excited" by how well she's doing that she drops the key and blows the whole mission. Theo and Chanda take it home, winning Fandango tickets for a year (the company of creepy talking brown paper bags).

This exile has the added task of collecting flags as the team carry their luggage weight through two checkpoints. Melinda and Ryan correctly solve the first puzzle and get to drop their bags for the remainder of the race, but cleverly forget to pick up the flags and lose, hardcore.

Cristin's two cents:

Some things I'd like to see as this season progresses: Wes getting kicked in the nuts, Tonya being humiliated in public as much as possible, and a weather channel update-style scroll across the bottom of the screen telling us that back in Boston, Danny's been arrested for public drunkeness/ wearing stupid hats/ dating a woman two brackets above him who he has no business touching at all.

Dan's two cents:

It takes a lot for me to turn against the gays, but I can't say I shed a tear when Ryan packed his bags.  Kind of a boring, Rice-a-Roni personality.  And seriously, you can't get these Austin kids off my screen quick enough so here's hoping they drop like flies.  Drunk flies.  Sweaty, abusive, drunken flies.  The best part of this season so far has been Coral who is an absolute scream.  It's a rare feat when someone on reality TV tries to be funny and actually is.  Next week, it looks like Cristin's Blue Iguanas might be racking up the points with a barn-burner of a fight between Wes and Johanna.

The Scoreboard:

Teams:
Cristin's Blue Iguanas: Katie/Eric; Johanna/Jesse; Tonya/Johnnie; Theo/Chanda; Shane/Linette
Dan's Green Monkeys: Coral/Evan; Melinda/Ryan; Tina/Kenny; Darrell/Aviv; Derrick/Diem

Dan's old total: 7

Dan's new total: 11

This post marks the first installment of the Real World/Road Rules Fresh Meat Challenge weekly roundup.  In addition to episode recaps and wiseass commentary, Cristin and Dan will also be contending in the first TiFaux fantasy battle royale.  Cristin's Blue Iguanas will go head-to-head with Dan's Green Monkeys.   The rules are after the jump as well as the results, which began starting with episode two.

Episode One: 

The Australian sun dawned hot an unforgiving on the Real World- Road Rules Challengers this season. Unlike with past challenges, for this term MTV selected 12 "unknowns" to partner up with the seasoned Challenge veterans for a chance to win $250,000. Pairs compete individually, and at the end of each round, two pairs are sent "into exile" to battle for the chance to play another day.

Tempers flared early among the veterans: "Who are these kids? It's not like I come to their job and try to outdo them," wondered Theo, whilst Challenge rookie Kenny postulated "I definitely think I'm one of the more attractive ones in the house, if not top 1 or 2." Super. The veterans each selected a rookie team member in random draft order, each wondering if this one choice would make or break them, while I wondered why Danny had downgraded Melinda from "fiance" to "girlfriend" between the RR: Austin wrap special (sponsored by Michael C Fina!) and this challenge.

The first test, "Stuck On Me," involved heights, balancing, and 360 degree turns. Coral and Evan proved to be an early powerhouse and took it home, meaning that (1) they got to pick one team to go into exile and (2) they were exempt from voting on the second exile team.