Awww… Ellen announced that she’s getting hitched on her show.

If you don’t know:

• Ellen’s partner/girlfriend/fiance (!) is Portia De Rossi of Arrested Development.
• gay people can get married in California now.
• California has no residency requirements for marriage (like Massachusetts does).

Take that, establishment!

There are few animals as misunderstood as the wily lesbian. As evidenced on Bravo’s hit series Work Out, now entering its third season on Bravo, there are some behaviors exhibited by Sky Sport and Spa owner Jackie and her coterie of toned lady-loving ladies that may be curious to people not familiar with gay culture.

In order to foster understanding for the lesbian community, I’ve recruited some of my lesbian friends to answer to viewer-submitted questions. Hopefully, they’ll be able to shed light on the behavior of some of the gals on Work Out (”What’s the deal with Jackie’s relationship with Rebecca?”) and the community in general (”If a lesbian attacks you, should you play dead, climb up a tree or punch her on the nose?”).

Bruce from Tuscaloosa asks: I noticed that on this season of Work Out, Jackie’s hair has changed rather dramatically. Before, she had a spikey, cyber-punky short haircut. But now she’s let it grow out and it’s a much softer look. Do you approve of this transformation?

Sam: I think she looks good with both hair styles. Past that, I don’t care.

Jasmine: She is trying to show that she is more relaxed because of all the sex she is having in her new “healthy” relationship. It’s an “I just got out of bed and haven’t had time to use product or get my hair cut” kind of do. I think it is a farce - I do not approve.

Michelle from Atlanta wonders: Rebecca is driving me positively batty! Batty, I say! She keeps saying she’s not jealous, but her talk is pretty cheap considering she is always watching Jackie and complaining she doesn’t get any attention. Am I overreacting?

Sam: Well the answer is simple. Rebecca is clearly still attracted to Jackie, but Jackie clearly still has feelings for Rebecca and is enjoying the drama (as most lesbians do for some god awful reason). Jackie wants to play with fire and hasn’t told Rebecca to back off and stop saying how she misses her and wants to spend time with her. So no, you are not overreacting but Rebecca isn’t alone in this. Jackie still wants the attention from one hot girl. And I don’t blame her. Rebecca is hot, as long as she doesn’t talk.

Jasmine: You are not overreacting! Rebecca is totally jealous and annoying.

Cheryl from New Brunswick wants to know: Jackie said she fell for her new beau in a matter of five minutes. Is that the way it usually works with lesbians?

Sam: I would love to tell you, Cheryl, that this is not the case, but there have been way too many scenarios where this is true. Women tend to be more in tune to their emotions and how they feel about people. They follow their heart and not their head. With men, it tends to move a little bit slower and more rationally [ed note -- have you seen gay male culture?]. So if you get two women in a relationship, it usually speeds up the process. But women can also rush into things and get blinded by lust, especially if sex is involved early on and not realize its nothing more than an instant attraction which then makes the drama that much worse when the breakup happens. Everything seems to always be more dramatic and intense between women.

Jasmine: If it doesn’t work that way - then you aren’t truly a lesbian.

Roy from Cincinnati ponders: This doesn’t have anything to do with Work Out, but I just want to know — what exactly is it about Angelina Jolie?

Sam: Oh Roy… hmm… where to begin. First off, there is something about a woman being unbelievably gorgeous and also knowing she can kick your ass. And those eyes. She beats you down with those eyes. And her smile. And that body. Basically my prayer every night is that one day she’ll realize she is attracted to women and not Brad Pitt and I can be there for her and help out with her… feelings.

Jasmine: Good question. Maybe its her incestuous tendencies, her sleeping with female models, her drama-filled marriage to Billy Bob Thorton, or her chic way of adopting a child from every country (the latest celeb accessory) that make her every lesbian’s dream date.

Do you have a question you would like to ask one of our resident lesbians? E-mail us with it at tifaux -at- gmail -dot- com.

Back in the day, when TiFaux was just a mere bloglet, we thought about having Gaywatch as regular feature on the blog. However, instead of ghettoizing (<– you like that?) the gayness into a weekly feature we’ve managed to ingrain it in TiFaux’s identity. It’s a part of who we (er… I) are, in addition to the gentle sarcasm and mild cultural elitism. However, there are a few homo-pertininent items that I wanted to bring to your attention.

First up, an outing! If you watch Brothers and Sisters, you may know that the gay brother (who is played by a straight actor) is dating some other gay dude. Well, the other gay dude has just come out. His name is Luke MacFarlane and, well, he’s not a homely fellow.

I wish I had something to say about this other than “Rowr, mother may I?” I guess it’s just kind of funny that I’m sure he has gotten the compliment somewhere of how brave it was to play a gay man.

In other news, Grey’s Anatomy is going to have a plotline about two gay soldiers and there will be a hyped-up kiss between the two characters. The funny thing is that one of the characters will be played by a Road Rules alum named Dave. For the record, he’s kind of dreamy as well in a more boyish way.

So watch this…

… and now tell me if it’s real or a hoax. It’s kind of reminiscent of the e-Harmony ads with the white backgrounds and earnest tone. Which makes me think it’s a hoax. But also, aside from the “dig deep” reference, there aren’t that many overt, silly double entendres.

If you think it’s a hoax, which it very well may be, just know that there’s much crazier shit out there.

For further reference, here’s the corresponding Web page.

I don’t normally blog about The Biggest Loser. Even though I’ve been regrettably faithful to the show this season, I feel like regularly updating you on what’s going on with hottie trainer Bob and scary trainer Jillian and their gang of tortured contestants would diminish the value of TiFaux.

That said, I’ve got to bring something up.

There has been a faction of men this season who have started using the word “pride” over and over. Presumably, this just means what it means on face value — pride in one’s self and one’s family. In fact, on one episode the fellas made the lamentable (and completely non-alcohol influenced) decision to all get pride tattoos while on a reward trip to Las Vegas.

But they have no idea, right? About gay pride, that is. The fact that people usually just refer to it as “Pride” — as in, “Are you going to Pride this year?”

They’ve been known to do that football huddle thing where they put their hands in the middle of a circle and then shout “pride!” And all I can think of is seven-foot-tall drag queens and skinny guys with mesh tank tops.

You guys, you need to see the new gay ad for Chemistry.com.

I find most online dating commercials depressing. Match.com is running ads with unrealistically good-looking people and those eHarmony ads make it pretty obvious that they don’t want you if you are a heretic like me.

But this ad was enough to make even an icy curmudgeon like me all ooey, gooey, baby feet and puppy ears.

I seriously just want to give Chemistry.com all my money just for being wonderful.

And for taking the piss out of eHarmony.

(Via Queerty)

So, the whole Jay Leno episode appears to have snowballed since I last reported on it.

Not only has Whitty’s letter been making the viral rounds, but it has spawned a Web site chock full of people offering their “gayest looks” to Leno. And by “gayest looks” I mean pictures of themselves giving him the finger.

Take a look. The flipped birds aren’t usually as subtle as the one seen on the right, though.

Not necessarily the most dignified approach to showing Leno and the good folks at NBC that we don’t approve of this kind of behavior, but I appreciate the directness.

Meanwhile, poor Ryan Phillippe is doing damage control — going on big old lesbian Ellen’s show to disconnect himself from the drama and doing a very carefully choreographed discussion on his gay soap opera character without mentioning the Leno flap.

I came across this clip the other day and I had good intentions of writing about it.

I planned on embedding the clip and saying “What a bastard Jay Leno is! Least funny person ever!”

You know, same old routine.

I would also bring up Jeff Whitty’s remarks from two years ago (which, by the way, I blogged about because this blog is over two years old — holy crap!) where he called Jay out on his easy and (more importantly) unfunny habit of demeaning gay people for laughs.

However, it appears that Whitty himself has beaten me to the punch. He’s reignited his feud with Leno, (rightfully) taking issue with the host’s continual habit of taking cheap shots at gay folks for the least common denominator laughs it will inevitably garner.

Here’s an excerpt:

Not everyone can stomach you, I fear, so for those who can’t, I’ll do a little transcription. You were interviewing Ryan Phillippe, whose first acting job was as a gay teenager on One Life to Live. So naturally you homed in on how WEIRD and HILARIOUS it was that he played a GAY PERSON — while Phillippe reasonably tried to shift the conversation to the larger issue of how weird it was to be on a soap opera.

But you couldn’t be stopped! You went for the comedy gold!

JAY: Can you give me like — say that camera is your gay lover — number two –

PHILLIPPE: Wait a second. Wait a second.

JAY: Can you give me your gayest look? Say that — say that camera is Billy Bob — Billy Bob has just ridden in shirtless from Wyoming.

(Your sycophantic audience hoots with laughter at the idea of a strapping lad like Phillippe giving a “gay look.”)

PHILLIPPE: Wow. That is so something I don’t want to do. Are you just going to embarrass me tonight, or –

JAY: No, I got more stuff. This is the least of it.

Read the rest of Whitty’s letter here, along with a picture of him with a flipped bird. It’s good to know that someone is trying to hold Leno accountable for a) his cheap antics at the expense of a certain group of people; b) his awful schtick.

The Ashton Kutcher brainchild Beauty and the Geek is shattering another cultural norm this season.

After previously proving that girls can be smart too, now they’re tackling the illusion that gay men can be socially inadequate. This season, in some sort of boys vs. girls set-up, they’ve cast a self-proclaimed “gaysian.”

Viva the rainbow.