Photo by MTV

Seems like every reality show is in New York this season. There’s Top Chef. There’s The City. I wouldn’t be surprised if Survivor announced that its next location was Manahttan. (Hey, it’s an island, and they could do immunity challenges like having contestants carry a week’s worth of groceries to a sixth-floor walk-up.)

The one that hits closest to home, though, is The Real World: Brooklyn, which airs its second episode tonight. And by “hits closest to home,” I mean my home, because I live in the Borough of Kings, too, though not in Red Hook. Still, I vowed to watch this season. I haven’t really committed to watching a whole season of The Real World since San Francisco–that’s the one with Puck and Pedro, for those keeping track–back when MTV still cast people who were older, goofy-looking (Judd), and had real jobs (remember how Pam was a doctor?). I briefly got into the London season–aka the one where there was no conflict–but that was it. And so, after a 15-year hiatus, I’m back.

I don’t really care about the cast– at least not yet. I’m watching because I want to see how they portray my adopted borough. So, after watching the premiere, I made a list of things you could surmise about Brooklyn from the episode. In parenthesis, I put whether or not they ring true or false when compared to my experiences here. Here goes:

• Brooklyn is, as Roommate Chet says, “The place that you don’t want to end up.” (False. Um, have you met anybody?)
• Graffiti covers almost every available wall. (Fair enough.)
• People play stickball in the street. (True…in 1955. Today, not so much. There are cars.)
• Everybody lives, as Roommate Baya says, “Right on the ocean.” (False. While some have water views, it’s not quite the ocean yet if you can see Bayonne, NJ across the way.)
• Residences are akin to compounds, where eight people have a re-purposed industrial building to themselves and, while they have to share bedrooms, they have a shower ratio that’s pretty darn close to 1:1 in addition to their own personal gym. (Uh, false.)
• People get everywhere by water taxi. (False.)
• People ride the water taxi once and only once, for novelty purposes. (False. No one takes the water taxi ever.)
• Concertgoers, like Roommate Chet, put on a pair of fake glasses that look like prescription glasses just to be cool. (True. Sadly.)
• Each of said concerts begins and ends with someone shouting, “Where Brooklyn at?” (False.)
• One is able to move into a residence–in Red Hook, no less–without going straight to the IKEA. (False.)
• Everyone talks about working out all the time, like Roommate Scott. (True.)
• Residents pay attention, even just a little bit, to the Statue of Liberty. (False.)
• Girls either dress in punky, funky outfits that always look artsy and put together (like Roommate Sarah) or getups that show way too much cleavage (like Roommate Devyn). (True.)
• Everyone is either a wannabe dancer, a wannabe actress, a wannabe musician, a wannabe writer, a wannabe filmmaker, a wannabe model, a home-sewer, or a DJ. (True.)