Erik

Age: 38

About him: Old man winter — at least for this group (Nikki, it would appear, is the oldest female at 35). He’s a third-generation chef and works as the Executive Chef at a San Francisco restaurant.

Ill-informed snap judgment: Hopefully his cooking is as bold as his eyebrow-sculpting choices. I’m hoping that he turns into a teddy bear on camera and isn’t, in fact, the forgotten son of 80s WWF wrestler Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart.

 Nimma

Age: 26

About her: Born in Peachtree, Ga. — which I imagine has some lovely covered bridges.

Ill-informed snap judgement: Apparently, she cooks with green tea — a concept I’ve always been interested in.  I hope she sticks around a while so she can mix chocolate and tea.  Because I think I’d like to watch her do that.

 Zoi

Age: 30

About her: A self-taught cook.

Ill-informed snap judgment: I think I’ll be anxious to figure out how she pronounces her name.  Zoy? Z-wah? And she likes Greek food.  So do I.  Go us.

Dale

Age: 29

About him: With a Filipino background, he focuses a lot on Asian flavors.

Ill-informed snap judgment: I have misgivings about both his smirk and his techno-lesbian stylings. I’m getting the feeling he might be a troublemaker.

Nikki

Age: 35

About her: At the ripe old age of 35, she’s one of the oldest of this rather nubile crew. She’s the chef and co-owner of her own restaurant in NYC.

Ill-informed snap judgment: She’s an experienced sommelier, businesswoman and cook. I’m thinking she’s going to win. I’m going to be bold and put it out there. If I’m right, I’ll bring this up later. If I’m wrong, I can’t imagine anyone is paying enough attention to this post to remind me of it later.

Valerie

Age: 32

About her: A personal chef.

Ill-informed snap judgment: I don’t know what’s going on, but her bio is really short and vague. I’m guessing this mean she might get the early boot.

AntoniaAge: 31

About her: The executive chef at an LA eatery.

Ill-informed snap judgment: Pretty lady. Spicy Italian meatball. Antonia is a single mother who hopefully won’t throw in the towel a la Micah last season.

Mark

Age: Adorable

About him: Precious

Ill-informed snap judgment: I was obsessed with Mark the moment I saw his curls. Then I found out he was from New Zealand and grew up on a sheep farm. Then I noticed his little Hobbit-y sideburns. Suffice to say, it was all over by that point. I want to show him America — walk him through Times Square and the St. Louis arch, showing him that there’s a big world outside the shire. Then again, I’m pretty sure he’s probably pretty worldly on his own and probably doesn’t fit the naive mold I have attributed to him.

Stephanie

Age: 31

About her: She loves food from the sea.

Ill-informed snap judgment: I don’t really have a lot to go on here, but she does use a quote on her Bravo profile that mentions giving “110%” effort. A pet peeve of mine. Tread carefully, girlie.

Get it? Because meat is a food and Top Chef is about cooking food.

Set phasers to I’M AWESOME!

Anyway, Top Chef starts next week guys! Not to gloss over the finale of Project Runway (although it’s time to just let Christian win and put this season out to pasture), but we’ve got to get oriented about our new cast members. Otherwise we’re just going to go through the whole season premiere forgetting who everyone is.

Through the week, I’ll be bringing you bite-sized servings of new Top Chef contestants (I’m making a conscious decision to avoid usage of the word “cheftestant” — it’s a bit too Bravo establishment at this point). I’ll include real biographical information as well as ill-informed snap judgments.

Here’s your first crop:

Andrew
Age: 30
From: Fort Lauderdale
About him: He seems to be a bit of a culinary citizen of the world — drawing influences from all over the place.
Ill-informed snap judgment: I think he looks like he could be a long lost Fiennes brother. Am I crazy? It’s something about the eyes.

Manuel
Age: 33
From: Laredo, Texas
About him: A pretty accomplished chef who has worked with Molto Mario
Ill-informed snap judgement: Judging by his audition video, he’s probably too nice to give us any good drama. Good for him, though.

Spike
Age: 27
From: Williamsburg, NY by way of Clearwater, Florida (hipster Scientologist perhaps?)
About him: He’s trying to open a restaurant chain that focuses on hamburgers, hot dogs, fries and milkshakes. In other words, The Lord’s Work.
Ill-informed snap judgment: Again, with the hats? I’m against for a few reasons — it makes me think of the ska concert in the movie Clueless (which is wonderful, but has quickly become very dated) and because we already went through it last season with Mr. Malarkey.

I’ve been told they’re worth the investment.

• No more pricey pilots for NBC.
• NPR interviewed the guy who plays Omar on The Wire.
• Zap2It has a list of the new Top Chef: Chicago contestants.
• Fox and the CW are scrapping new projects left and right.
• Name a celebrity you’d be less interested in watching a reality show about than Denise Richards.
• Thank God, Jenna Fischer isn’t dating David Spade.
• Breaking Bad did pretty well.
• TV Guide talks to one of of the loves of my life, Felicity Huffman, about the possibility of more death on Desperate Housewives.

I totally wiped out on the ice last night. Ouch.

• Top Chef’s Dale + Project Runway’s Jack = Bravo gay power couple.
• E-Kristin discusses who’s alive and who’s dead on Heroes.
• She’s also got a spoiler chat.
• The Chicago Tribune beats up on Small Wonder as one of the worst shows ever.
• Chris Elliot discusses Get a Life and more with the AV Club.
• Private Practice’s Amy Brennemantalks to TV Guide.
• Trainer Kim won’t be on the next Biggest Loser.
• Hot, hot, hottie Maksim will be on Dancing with the Stars, despite reports to the contrary.
• One America’s Next Top Models didn’t want Asperger’s to define her.

We’re back.

• Fans are eagerly awaiting the end of The Wire.
• Picketing is a family affair.
• Paige Davis is allegedly coming back to Trading Spaces.
• Portia de Rossi says she isn’t playing herself on Nip/Tuck.
• USA Today tallies all the impending reality TV shows.
• Is Survivor’s Courtney anorexic?
• Check and see how many episodes are left of all your favorite scripted shows.
• Create your own Hero.  Or something.
• Lost’s Damon Lindelof wrote an op-ed on the strike for the NY Times.
• The Daily Herald compares Arrested Development and Dirty Sexy Money.  Catch up, man, catch up.
• Kristen Schaal of Flight of the Conchords talks to the AV Club.
• Family Guy is going on without its creator.
• Top Chef will air a holiday competition special with past contestants.
• A reality show for Marc Jacobs?
• Ask Ausiello: Strike edition.
• TV Guide previews tonight’s Project Runway premiere.
• E-Kristin does a spoiler chat and answers strike questions.

I saw one last night that said ARGH M8Y.

• The New York Times ran an article about the popularization of the word va-jay-jay.
• Coolio will continue his fall from grace with a reality show.
• The LA Times discusses Heroes’ sophomore slump.
• Jeff Zucker wants NBC to keep Jay Leno. In related news, people with scabies have announced that they want to keep having scabies.
• Animal Planet wants to help adopt pets.
• Idol Gives Back money gets to work in Africa.
• What would happen if there were a writers’ strike?
• The Office convention hits Scranton.
• An article about the lack of female Top Chef contestants.
• CSI and Without a Trace are crossing over.
• Survivor’s Sherea discusses her ouster.
• Wilson Cruz discusses the endurance of My So-Called Life.

Baths are weird.

• It’s official: you are the only person who is not going to be on Lost next season. Casting scoop here.
• Kristen Bell gives hints about her character on Heroes.
• Ask Ausiello’s up and he’s got news on all the death for this fall.
• TV Guide talks about how Pushing Daisies came to be.
• I guess someone’s watching Kitchen Nightmares.
• You can eat Hung’s Top Chef-winning meal at Caesar’s Palace.
• Gossip Girl star and subject of Maggie’s ire Penn Badgley talks to E-Kristin.
• Isaac Mizrahi will start a show for the CW.
• Benjamin Bratt has a pilot too.

Before common era.

• AfterElton profiles gay reality TV winners.
• A blogger writes an open letter to the cast of The Office.
• A profile on the two dudes who are defining VH1’s personality.
• Lou Pearlman is a perv — not necessarily that surprising.
• The stage is set for Rock of Love 2.
• TV Guide talks to Yvonne Strahovski from Chuck.
• Forest Whitaker will be making a new show for FX.
• Friday Night Lights is doing what any fledgling series would do to boost ratings: add nudity.
• The former heads of UPN and the WB talk to TV Guide.
• Alton Brown talks up the Next Iron Chef.
• Bradley Whitford and Neve Campbell are going to be in a scary, scary global warming miniseries.
• Ally Sheedy is joining Kyle XY.
• Jon Stewart will get as close to the White House as he’ll ever get when he interviews the vice president’s wife.
• Look at the Pushing Daisies comic book.
• The Jericho folks are covering all their bases in case it gets canceled again.
• Stupid Hung talks to New York magazine.
• Some babe got a job on Grey’s Anatomy.