A great surprise last week: Dirty Sexy Money.

Peter Krause makes everything look interesting, and the cast of wackies they’ve pulled together for the crazy rich family, the Darlings, are all compelling in their own way. Parts of it reminded me vividly of Arrested Development, actually, especially the family meeting at the beginning where everyone’s drunk and arguing. Of the troubled Darlings, I think the philandering, hate-filled priest, Brian, is particularly fascinating. The whole thing is very promising, and I can’t wait to see where they’re going with it. Let me know if you agree.

Of course, I haven’t seen Pushing Daisies yet, so in all likelihood, I don’t know what a good pilot really looks like. Basically, you must watch Pushing Daisies, or you will go to TV Hell, which only shows repeats of According to Jim. And oh my god, the pilot is called “Pie-lette.” He makes pies, get it? Seriously, though, I am pretty excited about this.

Oh man, Bionic Woman. I had so many problems with the pilot I barely know where to start. The writing was sloppy, everything happened so fast so we didn’t care about any of the people, why was anyone doing anything, and so much more I’ve already blocked out. I’m giving it another week or two to get on track, because I really want to like it, but it’s not looking good.

Casey, Hung, and Dale face off in the finale of Top Chef, which I egregiously omitted from last Wednesday’s TotT. Will Casey’s food with soul triumph over Hung’s technically mastery? Why is Dale still in this competition?

Gossip Girl continues. I actually think I may have to put this one out to pasture. My Wednesday can only hold so many absurdly rich people from the Upper East Side, and Dirty Sexy Money has a slight edge right now — and some great actors (Dan Humphrey, you are not forgiven. Especially because they keep showing that one line in the “previously on…”).

South Park premieres its 11th season, and in case you haven’t seen the incessant promos, Cartman is diagnosed with Tourette syndrome. Helpful TiFaux hint: with the Top Chef/Dirty Sexy Money time slot conflict, Kyle is ingeniously taping the midnight rerun.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: Memo to Kid Nation: I’m not taping you, but I’m hoping everything’s going all right in your crazy manipulative ghost town. Someone will let me know if Sophia gets a crush on Greg, right?

I went to sleep at 10 last night. That’s ridiculous.

• Tim Gunn is warning us we’re going to be pissed Nina, Michael and Heidi.
• Top Chef 4 has begun shooting.
• Paula Abdul doesn’t want to do any more reality TV, but does wants babies.
• Kevin Smith talks to TV Guide about Reaper.
• One of the new Heroes wonder twins talks to TV Guide too.
• Here’s a chat with Top Chef’s Dale.
• If you watched Traveler, here are all the mysteries — solved.
• TV writers may strike.
• An interview with Creed from The Office.
• A 30 second commercial on Grey’s Anatomy will cost you $419,000.
• E-Kristin does a spoiler chat.
• Sci Fi has some Lost spoilers.
• Watch Dexter and Brotherhood online (password: killer shows).

The hotly anticipated, highly controversial reality show Kid Nation premieres tonight at 8:00 on CBS. Despite the controversy, I’m kind of bored just thinking about it. Kids are mean little buggers, but I get the sense they’re all going to learn an important lesson about life, and I have no interest in that.

Kids who will never learn an important lesson about anything? Those rich bitches on Gossip Girl, premiering tonight at 9 on the CW (see disaffected poses, right). I think this show is going to be terrible addictive and extremely popular. I fear, from the commercials, that the producers were so pleased with themselves for coming up with a surefire hit that they did not pay close enough attention to casting, because these kids (as pretty as they are) seem to have some acting problems. Major acting problems. Read Dan’s preview for more.

Gossip Girl is preceded by the season premiere of the latest America’s Next Top Model. FYI, if that’s your bag.

Also premiering, to the interest of no one here, is Back to You, the Heaton and Grammer future Emmy juggernaut. Yawn.

I’m going to enjoy Top Chef 60% less now that CJ has been eliminated. He had a slightly worrying tendency to start talking too much and throwing blame around when the pressure got intense, but in his relaxed moments, he was delightful. I can’t believe he didn’t get to eat pizza in New York. It’s too depressing to think about, actually.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: The latest episode of The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman repeats tonight. I just saw it on Monday, and it’s awesome.

I can’t help it. I am in love with the little guys.

• Rachel Bilson is joining Chuck.
• One arrest has been made in the attack on Top Chef’s Josie.
• TV Guide mulls the ending of Battlestar Galactica.
• E-Kristin interviews one of the writers for The Office.
• Joel McHale’s midseason replacement show might be in trouble.
• TV Squad mulls the pricing of electronic TV downloads.

Happy New Year, everyone.

• People lists the eight hottest dudes on fall TV.
• Jodie Sweetin (aka Stephanie Tanner) is preggers.
• Top Chef contestant Josie was the victim of an anti-gay hate crime.
• The Emmys will censor Kathy Griffin’s acceptance speech, canceling out the only the only thing anyone would actually want to see on the telecast.
• Jon Stewart to host the Oscars again?
• In her latest indignity, Joan Rivers will now be live-blogging the Emmy red carpet.
• Chris Parnell is joining the cast of Miss/Guided.
• There’s going to be a little person on I Love New York 2.
• A new Ask Ausiello’s up.

Welcome back to “I’m Sick of Your Shit.” It’s been a while since one of us got good and angry at a television personality. Sure, I want to push Pradeep on The Pick-Up Artist into traffic, but he’s so annoying he’s almost compelling. It’s too easy to rag on Pradeep. After all, he’s competing in VH1’s The Pick-Up Artist. No, I’ve got a bigger target in mind.
This may be my first season watching Top Chef, but I have a world of resentment built up already over head judge/co-host/meddler Tom Colicchio.

It’s probably blatantly obvious to those of you who’ve had several seasons to grow to despise Chef Colicchio’s irritating place in the Top Chef proceedings, but it seems clear that he demanded a more “important” role to the detriment of the way the show is run. Chef Colicchio rolls in on the chefs when they’re in the thick of their prep, silently judging them. Because, you see, unlike lovable Tim Gunn, Tom is not a mentor — he’s a judge (as he never lets anyone forget). He’s not there to give constructive advice. He’s just there to get in the way and undermine people’s confidence. He then takes his snide observations and brings them to the judge’s table, where he basically just stirs shit and gossips.

Here is the point in the post where I would normally say “I’m sure he’s a great chef and all,” but I don’t need to say that, because I have actually eaten in his flagship New York restaurant, Craft. The food was delicious. Simple dishes, mostly, and not a lot of flair in the presentation, but very good. My problem with the place was that it had the worst, most confusing menu I have ever seen in a restaurant (let alone a very fancy one). How many dishes should one person order? Which categories are you supposed to choose from? When do the sides come? How many people will each dish serve? None of these questions were answered satisfactorily and we ended up with way, way, way too much food. Best puree potatoes ever, but still.

God, now I want some puree potatoes. Where was I?

Oh right. It really bugs me how Tom can turn anything he sees in the kitchen — people getting along, people fighting, people in a hurry, people finishing early — into a flaw. Often, when we cut to his talking head after he’s done his kitchen rampage, he’s basically already decided who he thinks should win and who should lose. To see people making mistakes and to not offer a single word of advice? He wants them to embarrass themselves, to make him look better in comparison.

It’s like the confusing menu in his restaurant. It’s purposely obtuse, because if you can’t figure it out, you probably don’t deserve the delicious food in the first place. Everything has to be more difficult, because he’s not there to hold your hand. And I’m sick of it.

Oh my God, I’m turning into Hello Kitty.

• First and foremost, PROJECT RUNWAY debuts Nov. 14!
• C.J. from Top Chef talks about last week’s surprise elimination.
• Eliza Dushku has signed a development deal.
• TV Guide previews the next season of House.
• Zap2It recognizes some familiar faces. But Peter Krause? Come on now.
• The singer for the Goo Goo Dolls and Sheila E. will be the judges for the new ‘American Idol for Bands’ show. Because I guess C.C. Deville was busy.
• Meet the new Beauty and the Geeks, if you feel the urge.
• A spoiler chat with E-Kristin.
• Bradley Cooper + Cameron Diaz = Love?
• Kevin Smith will direct an episode of Battlestar.
• South Park will be around for another 3 years.
• Scott Baio’s show will plague us for another season.
• A dude named Jeff Fahey, who looks like the crazy, drunken, bearded Mel Gibson mug shot, has been added to the cast of Lost.
• ABC Family loves the gays, I guess.
• Kenan Thompson is going to try to drop 60 pounds so he can play Barack Obama on SNL.
• Donal Logue hasn’t given up on TV.
• The AV Club lists 15 TV sensations that faded fast.
• Aasif Mandvi chats with the Washington Post.

So, was anyone really seeing this coming? Because I sure as hell wasn’t.

Wednesday’s Top Chef had a change of venue from the sunny beaches of Miami to the black-is-white, up-is-down world of Bizarroville. Not only did the judges give walking papers to Tre, but Sara M. (who seemed to me to be the next logical choice to go, seeing as how she hadn’t scored a win yet) walked away with the victory!

From the beginning, I pretty much assumed Tre would be in the finale. He has won three elimination challenges and seemed to be regarded as the most talented chef, as evidenced by his #1 draft pick status when C.J. chose teams (<—sports reference! Lookit me!).

I’m sure that when Tre got the axe, most people thought the same thing: they just let go their most talented chef, and the guy who has misfired the least of all the contestants. It seemed like a travesty that less consistent contestants (Casey; Howie and Hung, even they were on the winning team) remained while Tre was let go. However, Judge Gail (who wasn’t on the episode, but should be coming back soon) makes a convincing case for the judging process on her Bravo blog. It’s worth a read.

This does, however, blow the competition wide open. Before, I figured it as a competition of who would face Tre in the finals. Now, who knows?  Just goes to show that if he could get cut now, anyone is vulnerable in any episode.

In other news, I found myself rooting for Team Sara despite the fact that it included the two chefs I wouldn’t mind seeing go home (Hung and Howie). I think I probably rooted for the team because it had Dale, who is fast becoming my favorite contestant. He seems funny and nice and he totally called out Madonna’s brother as being a jackass, which could get him disemboweled in certain gay bars.

So, now that the numbers are getting smaller, here’s a survey…

In recent weeks a certain phrase has risen to #2 on the list of words people search for to get here. #1 on the list is “tifaux” which is not surprising. But #2 is now “lindsay lohan’s well-manicured lady parts” which is surprising, since a) this is not the kind of site that links to such things and 2) it’s so specific. I think MSN’s gossip column coined the phrase but I can’t say for sure. The top result on Google is someone else mystified by all you pervs. And it turns out we show up on the results list because Dan mentioned Lindsay Lohan in a funny headline once, and described a contestant’s fingernails on “Playing it Straight” as “too well manicured?” Both posts show up on the same page on “The Gays” category page. Google figures that’s close enough to a firecrotch shot.

Of course, now I’ve just made the problem worse. Oh well.

Here are the top 15 keywords:

1. tifaux
2. lindsay lohan’s well-manicured lady parts
3. casey “top chef” (We’re #56 for this search. Does Casey have a lot of time on her hands? Spoiler?)
4. soaring flying (natch)
5. tifaux “ip address” (this has been a favorite since the Tournament and all the IP Address discussion. I think it’s people trying to figure out what their Tifaux’s IP address is and not people still mad about the dirty Tournament cheaters. For me on NYC Time Warner Cable all that info is on channel 996.)
6. how tall is cj from top chef (He’s 6′8″ tall!)
7. www.tifaux.com
8. i hate carlos mencia (and who doesn’t?)
9. were soaring (again, no surprise here)
10. mythbusters hd (already discussed)
11. the hills season 2 episode 1
12. lindsay lohan’s well-manicured lady parts. (note the period at the end of the search. Some people make sure they use proper punctuation when searching for dirty pictures of celebrities)
13. how tall is cj on top chef (6′8″)
14. how tall is cj top chef (still 6′8″)
15. john krasinski shirtless

The train takes a long time, but it’s better than driving.

• Take a look at the Dunder Mifflin Web site.
• The girl I remember liking from the one episode of So You Think You Can Dance won the whole thing.
• The Real World: Denver house is now, surprise, a bar.
• Flight of the Conchords and Entourage both got renewed.
• Madonna’s brother was on Top Chef for a second. And was kind of a jerk.
• Tracy Morgan got sentenced for his DUI.
• The guy who played Uncle Junior’s crazy friend on The Sopranos is now going to be a series regular on Lost.
• LL Cool J and his abs will likely star in a mid-season replacement.
• There’s a big gay teenage kiss on As The World Turns.
• There’s behind-the-scenes drama over at Viva Laughlin before the show even starts.
• The first Kid Nation parent is filing a lawsuit.
• Kathy Griffin is dating one of the dudes who founded Apple. Cha-ching!
• Finally, if you love poring over lists and graphs (and who doesn’t?), take a look at the Fall 2007 TV grid. Yummy… facts…