30 Rock returns! We here at TiFaux could not be more excited. Yay Emmy-winning show! Yay Tina! Yay everything! As you may have heard, this is the Seinfeld episode. I can’t wait to see all the NBC-bashing that is sure to take place.

The Office is once again an hour long, and Ryan returns to Scranton for, presumably, hilarity.

I really enjoyed last week’s Ugly Betty. I just can’t help it! I keep thinking I have no more need for this show, and then they go and make me cry (Hilda) and set up a bunch of situations I can’t not watch (Alexis with memory loss, Justin at Mode, Henry stepping off the bus). I should just accept that I like it and move on.

And then there’s Grey’s Anatomy. Do with that what you will.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: Thursday is so full of entertainment, here are my also-rans: My Name is Earl, Smallville, Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style. Maybe on a less awesome night…

The Office’s fourth season (wow — four seasons) premieres tonight with an hour-long show. Even more than the Pam and Jim stuff, I’m excited to see how Ryan’s going to make Michael miserable in his new position of power. Maybe I overstated that — I’m pretty excited about the Pam and Jim stuff, too.

Ugly Betty returns tonight as well. I feel like this show is due for a backlash. Of course, I never really loved it, so I’m not sure what a backlash would entail — instead of liking it pretty well, I dislike it a little?

And the Grey’s Anatomy juggernaut of addictive, ridiculous DOOM kicks off tonight, too. Have the three months off been long enough for us to say no to the madness? Report in tomorrow. Let’s be strong together!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: We should really start watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I hear nothing but good things. They’re airing two episodes tonight.

The news will be late all week this week. I’m sleeping in.

• Maya Rudolph has left SNL, leaving Kristin Wiig and Amy Poehler as the only ladies left.
• Aliens in America and Life is Wild will stream online before they debut.
• Mama Petrelli talks to TV Guide.
• GLAAD is, unsurprisingly, underwhelmed by the number of gay people on TV.
• Spoiler chat with E-Kristin.
• And, she does a video interview with John Krasinski (shirtless) and Will Arnett. Not really shirtless.
• Our TV screens are getting covered with more and more annoying-ass pop-up ads.
• Friend of the Faux John Walker writes about Kid Nation.
• Comedian Rich Hall is the real life basis for Moe the Bartender.
• Breaking from the NYT: People judge you by what you watch.
• The Biggest Loser has already been renewed.
• Take a look at a whole lot of blonde as Kristen Bell, Hayden P. (I hate looking up how to spell her last name) and Ali Larter pose for TV Guide.
• Mo’Nique will be causing trouble on Ugly Betty.

It’s a sled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• Tate Donovan talks about Damages.
• TV Guide goes backstage at the Creative Arts Emmys.
• Jane Seymour treats dancing like therapy. You know what my therapy is? Therapy.
• Jeri Ryan’s fetus is problematic for TV producers.
• Game time: Bravo’s making Project Runway for _______.  Is it: a) dancers. b) make-up artists. c) set designers. d) carpenters. Click here to find out.
• Cold Case will open its season with a Nirvana-themed episode. If you care, the songs they will be using are: “All Apologies,” “Stay Away,” “If You Must,” “Lithium,” “Drain You,” “Heart Shaped Box,” “Something in the Way” and “Come as You Are.”
• My Boys is on track for renewal.
• Johnny Fairplay from Survivor knocked up one of America’s Next Top Models. This kid does not have a chance.
• Zap2It does a fall preview.
• A spoiler chat with E-Kristin about Ugly Betty, etc.
• A new book picks apart Jon Stewart and his influence.
• The Washington Post turns into AfterElton for a minute and asks how the gays can watch The Bionic Woman even when it has Isaiah Washington in it.

Remember Friendster? Me neither. (ps — TiFaux MySpace)

• Who knew that Tim Gunn was such a magnet for controversy? Also, he talks about his life and makes me sad.
• Earl from Survivor (who I loved) bought his mom a house in Fiji. And drops the C-bomb way more often than I am comfortable with.
• Milo goes soft-core for Men’s Health.
• Will Maya Rudolph re-sign with SNL?
• Marlo Thomas will be on Ugly Betty; Coach will be on My Name is Earl.
• So Jerry Lewis… yeah… At least he apologized.
  
• The next person on The View will be named “very soon.” Also, Whoopi says some crazy shit that I get, but don’t really agree with.
• Sara Gilbert will do some time on Big Bang Theory.
• The Wire calls it a day.
• The guy who won the first Apprentice married the chick from E!
• Andy Keaton got probation.
• The finale of Battlestar might not come until 2009.
• Buffy spin-off, anyone?
• A bomb blows up by Michael Imperioli’s studio.

Oh, Larry. You’re such a goof.

• NBC is now streaming Conan.
• Victoria Beckham will play herself on Ugly Betty.
• Drew Lachey will host a show called Dance War. Which, for the record, is the closest I could ever come to actual military service.
• Busy Phillips will be coming to How I Met Your Mother.
• Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin will present at the Emmys. That’s really all you need to know about this story, but click the link to see the mega-awkward press photo of the two of them.

Cutting off some unhealthy leaves will really make your plants grow. This is only news to me.

• Dirty Sexy Money is getting a little rejiggering.
• Aww… Masi Oka is in a Got Milk? ad.
• Aiden Quinn is going to be on the new Julianna Margulies show.
• So, remember that post about the new celebrity version of the Apprentice? That was either a fake list or it was a real list that the network didn’t want spoiled.
• Things are looking sleazier and sleazier on Kid Nation.
• Lance Reddick, Col. Cedric Daniels on The Wire, will be joining the cast of Lost. And a dude called Jeremy Davies.
• Mark Burnett is making a new game show that tests peoples memories about their own lives.
• Posh Spice will guest star on Ugly Betty.
• A spoiler chat with E-Kristin.
• The Boston Globe is warning that this is too much, too soon for Heroes.
• Brad Pitt is producing a drama about a transexual…
• Some ventriloquist won America’s Got Talent.

They don’t have tartans where I come from.

• Sale on TV DVDs at Best Buy! You can get select seasons of Battlestar, Alias, Will & Grace, Scrubs, Weeds and more.
• Take a look at this CNN clip from yesterday where Michael Moore gets into it with Wolf Blitzer. It’s long, and you’re going to be tempted cut it off, but make sure you catch the last five seconds with Lou Dobbs. This Lou Dobbs.
• Some girl is making Charlie Sheen an honest man.
• No need to fret anymore — ABC has saved that bingo show.
• Shannen Doherty + gay spies = I’d totally be there if I had the Here Network.
• Things are coming together for Fox’s premiere schedule.
• On third thought, Drive won’t air those remaining episodes after all.
• A new Ask Ausiello has info on Grey’s and 24.
• A Sopranos-less HBO has filled the void with porn.
• A spoiler chat with E-Kristin.
• Posh Spice won’t be on Ugly Betty.

I still haven’t watched a single episode of television this week. It’s KILLING ME. Especially because it’s the season finale of The Office, and we all know how season finales of The Office tend to be awesome. If there’s another equivalent of last year’s Jim/Pam kiss, the type of thing that every person on the internet feels the need to comment on and post YouTube clips of, it will be a bad, bad day for me tomorrow.

Ugly Betty is also wrapping up its season tonight. Betty loves Henry, Daniel’s on the junk, Ignacio’s stuck in Mexico, Marc and Amanda found the love dungeon, Wili’s stuck with old and boring Bradford, Claire’s in jail, Hilda’s getting married, Justin’s adorable, Nick is a jerk, Alex is still a woman — and I hear there are going to be songs. Fantastic.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: I haven’t watched TV in a week and you want me to recommend you something out of the ordinary? I can’t take the pressure. I’m just going to say the title of something, do no research, and leave no explanation. Ready? Okay… Monkey Dust. Sundance Channel. Happy now?

Since I’m about to be officially three weeks behind in Grey’s Anatomy, I think it’s time I stopped mentioning it in this here daily post. Consider this your final reminder that Grey’s Anatomy airs on Thursdays. I’ll trust you to remember it yourself, like you remember Brothers and Sisters and CSI and Dancing With the Stars and all those other shows I don’t watch.

However, nothing will keep me from mentioning Ugly Betty, even if I have no interesting thoughts on the show. Oh! Here’s a thought: Veronica Mars fans, not only does it look like Deputy Leo is back for the last few episodes of VM, he’s also a hilariously terrible new assistant on Ugly Betty. He really, really sucks, like overgrown drunken entitled frat boy sucks — but in a funny way. A great addition to our assistants crew.

The Office is supersized again tonight. Though I love the idea of as much of The Office as possible all the time, the proposed hour-long Office next season scares me. That’s a lot more material every week. Part of the appeal of The Office is that it’s so tight. With that much more to write, any show would run the risk of getting bloated and lazy. The Office doesn’t need a ten-minute musical montage of people sitting at their desks thinking about their lives, you know?

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: Season premieres are coming early this year on ABC — they’re trying out Traveler, a cute-boys-running-from-the-law-and-their-pasts drama, tonight after Grey’s.