Lifetime, the television station that built its reputation on schlocky muumuu television, has begun to promote its hot new acquisition — Project Runway.

I’m guessing they’re hoping Project Runway will do for their station what the show did for Bravo — that is, completely transform and revitalize the network’s audience. So the new commercial tries to bring more dudes into the fold — specifically straight ones.

It’s a noble aim, but I can’t imagine middle-aged men in the locker room after racquetball arguing over who is the superior draper.

Best Dramas: Damages, True Blood, Mad Men, Terminator

Anything I could say about the first three shows has been said a million times before by every critic. They’re just good TV. As for Terminator, come on kids give it a chance! Shirley Manson as urinal-bot mom, awkward terminator humor (see Marissa’s #4), trips to Mexico for burritos… how can you go wrong?

Best International Reality Show: Project Runway Australia

I think the contestants in this version may have out polite-d the Canadian version. The show is very similar to the first season of the American version except the Tim Gunn guy looks like the old dude from the Six Flags commercials. The contestants are all loveable, and are even nice enough to pretend they’re interested in meeting Kelly Rowland. Sadly, Kristy Hinze as host is not as funny/scary as Iman but is comparable to Heidi Klum.

Best Unaired Commercial: AFSCME
My favorite Youtube discovery of ‘08, audio NSFW.

Best Shows To Catch Up On Your iPod

Dead Set - Also on Dan’s list, it’s just fun filler and more like a zombie movie broken up into 5 parts than an actual TV show.

Breaking Bad - It’s the dad from Malcolm in the Middle as a high school chemistry teacher who brews meth and uses Mr. Wizard-esque science against drug dealers. Bryan Cranston looks and acts identical to my high school chem teacher, right down to the moustache. No wonder he won an Emmy for outstanding lead actor in a drama.

Summer Heights High - Comedian Chris Lilley plays an obnoxious rich girl, an overdramatic drama teacher, and a Polynesian break dancer who all attend the same high school. The series ends with a Hamlet 2 style musical denouncing drugs and sluttiness and lauding the drama teacher for his work keeping kids clean. The show also contains an unusually large amount of penis graffiti (always a win in my book).

The Funniest 7 Minutes of a Music Themed Episode: Haven’t you heard?

What can I say, I’m an idiot who loves juvenile stuff. Here’s 7 minutes of The Bird Is The Word jokes (ignore the rest of the episode since it’s crap).

2008 saw a lot of great performances by whole bodies. Tina Fey couldn’t have told a lot of funny jokes if she hadn’t been able to say them with her mouth. And learned the lines by reading them with her eyes. And walked to the studio with her legs.

But there are some body parts that worked overtime this year, picking up the slack where other body parts just took up room (I’m looking at you Ellen Pompeo’s forehead!).

As such, let’s take a quick vote — which TV body part deserves recognition for its Outstanding Achievement in Being a TV Star Body Part? Let me know in the comments if I’ve left off a deserving part. Otherwise, going clockwise from the left…

Psst! I have a secret opinion about Project Runway that I’ve learned—the hard way—not to share in public. But the Internet doesn’t count as public, right? So I’m going to let all of you in on it.

First, let me say that I watch Project Runway knowing nothing about fashion. I came of age in the ’90s when grunge was in, boys and girls wore the same clothes (flannel), it was cool to say you got a bloodstained shirt at the Salvation Army for a dollar, and everybody looked like they were dressed in their PJ’s all the time—and I secretly hope that, with this whole economic-downturn thing, we’ll go back to those blissful days.

With that being said, are you ready for my secret? Even if it gets me in trouble with some of my fellow TiFaux writers?

Fine. here goes: I actually like Kenley.

Most people I know revile her. Yes, she’s pompous. Yes, she’s kind of a one-trick pony. Yes, I know she said something bad about Tim Gunn last time, which is the fashion equivalent of a cardinal (well, venial) sin.

In spite of all that, I still like her. The preview for this week looks like she’s about to get her comeuppance. I don’t know if that means she’ll be kicked off, or slapped on the wrist but kept around for drama. Either way, I might as well step in and defend her while I still can.

Mean and Mini-Mean

Here are the reasons that you Kenley-haters should lay off:

While self-respecting TV watcher has a mental note to set the TiFaux to tape Project Runway tomorrow evening (or watch it live while sober — something that is hard for me to pull of since Wednesday is bar trivia night), there is another Bravo original show on that night. As you probably realize, Shear Genius airs right alongside Project Runway and concludes its season on Wednesday.It’s hard for me to tell whether the two shows would synergize together or are simply too gay to be watched in succession (we all have our limits).

Depending on your level of will power/tolerance for reality TV, you may or may not have tuned in.  In any case, in these long summer months you can do worse than Shear Genius.

The content of the show isn’t nearly as interesting as Project Runway. Despite the enthusiasm the contestants muster for their craft, there are really only so many things you can do with a head of hair. Meanwhile, the possibilities are endless for the varieties of crazy-ass garments the designers on Project Runway can make. However, to make up for that fact — the contestants on Shear Genius are probably twice as bitchy as the average PR contestant.

Which brings us to our final three contestants who will show down on Wednesday:

• Charlie (right): Charlie is the most objectionable character of the season — an instigator of conflict. He’s what makes shows like this tic in that he combines his egocentric swagger with enough cattiness to rile up the rest of the contestants. He often sparred with departed contestant Nekisa who was both extraordinarily beautiful and out of her depth on the show.
• Dee (second from left): Dee has been my favorite from the start because she’s a cute little spitfire of a lesbian. The Miami resident often flirted with Nekisa (”Can somebody rub my back?”) and most famously won a competition where you had to match a dog’s haircut with its owner’s.
• Nicole (second from right): Young and brash, but also sensitive and defensive. Nicole hates Dee for some reason (and Dee hates Charlie and Charlie hates everyone). She’s been the dark horse for a while now.

We’ll see how it all turns out tomorrow night. The season has been pretty watchable, especially because of recently-booted Daniel’s legitimately ha-ha funny sense of humor and because the challenges were consistently surprising and inventive.

Jaclyn Smith is much like Heidi Klum in her role as host. First and foremost, her job is to look fabulous and exude an air of untouchability. Only after that does she really need to try to cobble together some words telling the contestants what the challenges are. She can occasionally pipe up with some opinions during the judging, but the professionals (namely animatronic stylist Kim Vo) usually overhwhelm her. Shear Genius’ Tim Gunn is Rene Fris, a famous Danish hairstylist. Despite the fact that his is extremely handsome at first glance, once he opens his mouth, the result is rather jarring — like the body of a dapper, trim dreamboat has been possessed by a gay European Muppet.

We haven’t talked much about the current season of Project Runway. Perhaps Bravo’s contempt and disinterest in the current season has spilled over on my affection for the series, but it’s actually a much more interesting season than last time.

For one, the designers are just a lot more annoying this time around. Well, maybe just Suede and Blayne. Between the unacceptable usage of the third person (although he’s really been consistent — you’ve got to give him that) and Blayne’s desperate attempts to try to enter “–licious” into the pop culture lexicon, they’ve really given previous seasons’ annoyances (PR3’s Angela, for instance) a run for their money.

There are a couple of people I’ve found myself rooting for rather passionately.

First up, there’s Keith. Rowr.

And in case you didn’t hear that, I said “Rowr.”

Between that tattoos, the beard and the ex-mormon kink factor (which doesn’t do it for me as much as other gays I know), he’s probably the hottest designer the show has ever known. I would say — and you can quote me on this — that he completely blows Rami out of the water. And Rami was way buffer. I’m glad Keith won this last episode, even though his dress was weird and peacocky.

The other person I love is Stella. Yes, I fucking love her.

Whenever she comes on the screen, she just cracks me the hell up. The constant discussion of “leathuh,” “black leathuh” and punk rock plus the pounding and hammering she does in the work room. Sometimes I wonder whether she has a fixation or just a really specific point of view (and what’s the difference between the two in this context?).  While she hasn’t nailed it every time, she’s managed to do pretty well staying true to her aesthetic.

Anybody else have favorites or non-favorites?

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DC’s reputation as a place with interesting and challenging creative people has always been wanting. You think DC, you think unimaginative suits, worn leather briefcases and haircuts with severe parts (lacquered with gel).

To tell you the truth, the reputation is going to get nothing but worse thanks to Lifetime. When Project Runway moves to Lifetime next season, it will be followed by a reality show based on the weird, culty Web site Late Night Shots. I had never heard of it before, but the site appears to be part photo collage of drunken revelry, part social networking site and part message board. The site, which is closed to the unwashed masses, is only open to a super-preppy breed of white, rich Lacoste-y kids. Wonkette describes it thus: “that special mix of date rape, shitty beer, and racial homogeneity that is the Georgetown nightlife.”

So now, a show billed as DC’s version of The Hills will be inflicted upon my fair town. Let me say, while we are in no way an innocent city — we are a bitter and jaded city in our own right — this is one frontier I hoped we could avoid: exposing our vapid yuppie masses to the country at large. So, if you tune into the show post-Runway, you’ll be able to see the guys wearing khaki shorts cinched with a braided leather belt, with a pink polo with the collar up (yes… still!). And girls with their shimmery, vomit-caked tops, making out with their best girlfriends for attention.

And the music will be 3 Doors Down.

Oy. Is my snobbery growing by the minute?  Well, at least I’m owning it.

In any case, I’ll let the girls who will star in the show speak for themselves. The show will follow a quartet of young ladies including a gal named Krista (of course) who says this of the show: “It’s all going to be about our real lives. It’s going to be in the same vein of MTV’s ‘The Hills’ but ours is going to be more realistic.”

Here’s a Hulu preview of tonight’s episode of Project Runway.

Sorry, international folks. You’ll see the episode soon enough, though.

The mystery is over.  We’ve finally met the cast of Project Runway 5 and

Let’s dive right in, shall we?

First of all, these repurposing challenges are always my favorite ones. I suppose it’s because I really, in the end, know nothing about fashion and because really, in the end, care fairly little about fashion that I find this exercise the most fun. It’s not anything people are used to — it’s really a fusion of fashion design and craftiness — so I like seeing all the crazy stuff they come up with.

Sadly, few designers were super-ambitious. Even the winner, Kelli, used what was essentially a fabric substitute in the form of vaccum bags. Despite themselves, even safe material decisions didn’t prevent some designers from going off the rails of good taste and decency. As always, it’s much more fun to discuss the

Above, you’ll find the three most jarringly awful creations of the evening, belonging to Blayne, Jerry and Stella respectively. Blayne’s creation was bad enough that I received a text message from a friend (who texted me like she knew there was nothing else I could be doing at that time — which is technically untrue, as I could have been engaging in my other favorite pasttimes like  blogging or drinking myself into oblivion) reading: “”What the fuck did Blayne make??” It prompted the response: “I think it was an emu. Inside out and exploding.”

Stella’s design, on the right, was stunning in its cleavage-killing, mistress of the dark gothness. I respect that she actually hated it too, though. I can’t imagine her number won’t be up soon, but at least she had the good sense to be humbled by it.

Finally, there was Jerry’s mess. I haven’t seen one garment on Project Runway described as befitting a serial killer before, so this was a first. Perhaps it’s that insinuation that caused me to think of the movie Dr. Giggles throughout the whole runway show.  Between the serial killer vibe and the gloves and the fact that she sort of looked like some sort of medical professional, I had this image in my head of that movie’s titular character sashaying down the runway with a stethoscope and bloody cleaver. (For those of you who don’t recognize that movie, see its IMDB here. It involves a doctor. Who giggles. And kills people.)

See his weirdly gracious exit interview below, where he basically says “I’m sad to be going, but I’m just glad everyone else gets to keep being awesome.”