Here lies the body of The Bionic Woman. She died at the age of half a season after being pronounced dead by NBC.

She leaves behind a Gilmore Girls-ian little sister, an upstaging robotic rival, a scenery-chewing leading lady and a stunt casted mentor who they killed off not a moment too soon.

The cause of death has been attributed to lack of focus and general apathy.

• 30 Rock gets back to work
• 5 years ago Joe Millionaire was rocking our world
• Barring a miracle, Bionic Woman is cancelled.
• An interview with The Office’s BJ Novak
• Apple will be selling tunes from American Idol
• Friday Night Lights might wrap up the series as a two-hour long movie

I like things that are bright.

• They’ve chosen a lucky lady to be the new Bachelorette.
• Grey’s Anatomy’s Justin Chambers could have nearly high-fived Britney on her way into the treatment center.
• Naveen Andrews talks Lost.
• Calm yourselves. The Bionic Woman is coming to DVD.
• Star Jones is once again out of the job.
• The folks from The New Adventures of Old Christine seem nice.
• The WGA won’t picket the CBS investor meeting.
• New York Magazine pits Cashmere Mafia and Lipstick Jungle against each other.
• Tyler Florence continues to torment me with his heterosexuality. He and his wife are expecting a second child.

Dry air, anyone?

• Kristin Cavallari is ready to make us pay attention to her again.
• Spoiler chat with E-Kristin including Desperate Housewives.
• There will be no writers working on the Oscars or the Golden Globes, potentially sparing us from insufferable presenter chit-chat.
• Take a look at a longer version of the Lost season four trailer.
• NBC denies putting The Bionic Woman out to pasture.
• Joan Rivers will be in a celebrity UK spin-off of Big Brother.
• AfterElton talks to Survivor’s Todd.
• ROFL!  Ashley Tisdale’s new nose! GTFO!
• What happens on the next Desperate Housewives.
• Survivor’s Denise wasn’t actually fired, says her school district.

I want to be one of those old rich dudes with the antique car license plate.

• SNL and 30 Rock cast members are hitting the stage for a night.
• Battlestar Galactica and The Bionic Woman have shut down because of the strike.
• Variety talks about the strike and late night talk shows.
• Pitch your TV idea on MySpace.
• Remember that Friday Night Lights/ESPN link from yesterday? Nevermind.
• Edie Falco talks about her guest stint on 30 Rock.
• Look at what the strike has done to poor Angie Harmon.
• Hayden Panettiere is a fugitive.
• Project Runway ratings are up.
• Get ready for a new season of Big Brother to fill up air time.

Strike, strike, strike.

• Marie Osmond may not return to Dancing with the Stars after her father’s death.
• Dog the Bounty Hunter is trying to dig himself out.
• Dancing with the Stars is also feeling the implications of the writer’s strike.
• Joss Whedon talks about the strike.
• Cashmere Mafia has been pulled because of the strike.
• Could we not see Lost until 2009?
• The boss guy from The Bionic Woman talks to TV Guide.
• Tim Kring answers readers’ questions about Heroes.

Daddy issues: it’s the hot new internal turmoil for characters on the small screen.

That’s not to say paternal conflict hasn’t been mined since Hamlet as fodder for character motivation (although I suppose that was more uncle/stepdad or ghost daddy issues). But if you’re watching any TV these days there’s at least one show with a prominent father-related plotline. Lost, for example, is chock full of alcoholic dads, power-crazy dads, deadbeat dads and Machiavellian con artist dads. Characters with major father conflicts include Jack (and therefore Claire, kinda), Locke, Hurley, Sun (and Jin’s father-in-law), Ben, Sawyer, Penny and Kate (step-father — remember? She blew him up).

So, here is a sampling of daddy issues rated on a scale of 1 to 10 for intensity. One being “C’mon, can I borrow the car?” and 10 being “Why’d you have to push me out of the 8th floor of your apartment building?”

Jack on Lost — 8.0

Like father, like son — at least when you’re talking about alcoholic, type-A surgeons. Jack’s entire backstory is anchored by his relationship with his father. Even his romantic entanglements seem secondary in comparison to his quest for his father’s approval. On a show with no shortage of bad dads, this one is the most all-consuming.
“Aww… you look very nice in your white coat son. Now fix papa a bowl of bourbon.”

Locke on Lost –10.0

Locke is such a douche bag that I hardly care about his daddy issues, but the plot line about his con man dad is so cartoonishly messed-up that it is entirely necessary to mention. Locke’s dad has: tricked Locke out of a kidney, pushed him out of a window in an attempt to kill him and bereated him even while he was Locke’s prisoner on the island. Not that anything about Lost is realistic, but the extent of evil in Locke’s dad is pretty out there.

Nick on Dirty Sexy Money — 5.0

Nick has spent his entire life trying to not be his Dad, Dutch, by getting into do-good law and being the consumate family man. But the premise of the whole series is that he’s trying to avoid falling into the same traps his dad did while working for the Darlings. Then there’s the whole murder mystery angle — was Dutch murdered? Were the Darlings behind it? On some level, Nick doesn’t really care, but he’s a decent guy so he has to find out. I’m going to go on record here as saying that I don’t think Dutch is dead (they didn’t find a body). I base this on nothing but instinct (my instincts are rarely correct, though — remember when I thought Burke was going to kill himself on Grey’s Anatomy? Ah, memories.).

Dexter on Dexter –4.0

Dexter’s dad is actually a good one. I mean, he’s kind of wacky, but he prevents innocent people from dying. Dexter’s dad, for those of you who don’t watch, died a long time ago, but instilled the “Code of Harry” in Dexter. He taught his young, adoptive sociopath to satisfy his bloodlust with hunting and, eventually, by only killing people who really deserve it. Papa Dexter comes back through flashbacks with a child star playing young Dexter (complete with matching mole!). Nowadays, Dexter’s psyche is very much haunted by the memories of good old dad.

Parkman on Heroes — 7.5

Parkman was abandoned by his father — who is apparently now the worst hero ever. Worse than Sylar even. We have much to learn about this one.

George on Grey’s Anatomy — 5.5

You know, Grey’s Anatomy is pretty awful most of the time, but they managed to do some good stuff with the death of George’s dad. The bit where Christina talks to him about the “dead dads club,” the part where George freaks out on Dr. Weber because his Dad didn’t know any better than to get the risky surgery — all pretty affecting moments on a show where I’m not used to giving a rat’s ass. Or even paying close attention for that matter. That storyline has faded now, but it’s probably best left untarnished.

The Bionic Woman’s dad — meh

There’s something going on with him because why would the sister be living with Jamie if the dad’s still around. But this show is so awful that who really cares? It won’t be around next season to explore that plot line anyway.

Sox win!

• Harvey Keitel to portray Jerry Springer in the thea-tuh.
• James Kyson Lee (Ando from Heroes) talks to TV Guide. And Adrian Pasdar talks to USA Today.
• Here’s ticket info to see Battlestar Galactica: Razor.
• John Cho talks about being on How I Met Your Mother.
• Meredith from The Office sends word from the Office convention in Scranton.
• A contestant on America’s Most Smartest Model is a creepazoid.
• Ellen is going to go forfeit some dignity by being a suitcase-holder on Deal or No Deal.
• Lessons learned from Viva Laughlin.
• Here’s a preview of the new Court TV — called TruTV.
• Jesse Plemons from Friday Night Lights discusses his murder plotline.
• The Bionic Woman’s ratings are sinking.

I miss summer already.

• ABC wants more Samantha Who?
• Mr. Big talks about the Sex and the City movie.
• An interview with Jensen Ackles of Smallville.
• Remember yesterday when I said the Writer’s Guild was done trying to unionize reality show writers? Nevermind.
• USA Today writes about the end of Scrubs.
• Someone new is running The Bionic Woman. I can’t imagine it’s possible to salvage it at this point.
• TV Squad lists the scariest TV characters of all time.
• Casting news arrives for a high-profile ensemble pilot called The Oaks.
• You can watch the season premiere of Run’s House online. If it’s come to that.
• The Amazing Race 12 cast has been announced.
• Mythbusters are testing to see if cockroaches can survive a nuclear attack.

This “edition” brought to you by the random word generator.

• Matt Roush talks about this season’s miscastings.
• Dana Davis (aka Heroes’ ‘I see it and then I can do it’ chick) talks to TV Guide.
• Is Stephen Colbert breaking campaign laws with his presidential run?
• Toni Collette and Steven Spielberg are teaming up for a Showtime series about multiple personalities.
• Valerie Bertinelli + Rachael Ray = I have no idea.  Something perky.
• There are new rumored Celebrity Apprentice candidates.
• Does The Biggest Loser demoralize people trying to lose weight?
• Is Reaper turning into a let-down?
• The NY Times compares Mad Men and Damages.
• The Bionic Woman is a sinking ship.
• Nashville is canceled. I don’t remember which one that was either.
• Rolling Stone names the top 25 moments from The Office.
• E-Kristin talks about Battlestar Galactica: Razor.