I regularly watch the Tonys. Go ahead and laugh. I know it’s silly and a giant advertisement to go see a play and the awards are very predictable, but I have affection for the usual musicals and plays.

Last Sunday’s show featured the usual singing and dancing and Sondheim and Brits. It also featured the strangest acceptance speech I’ve ever seen. I did not understand what was going on.

According to youtube, he’s quoting from “The Back Country” by Louis Jenkins. Okay then, Mark Rylance!

The only other thing I know about Mark Rylance is that he doesn’t believe Shakespeare wrote the plays attributed to Shakespeare (thanks, New Yorker). I’m with Stephen Greenblatt on that one, though.

Anyway, the Tonys! Into the Heights and South Pacific and August: Osage County won, and I really want to see Passing Strange.

I’m half paying attention to the Grammy’s and I just wanted to bring this to your attention. Tina Turner is 71, y’all. And she was still strutting around that stage and belting it out like someone who, well, wasn’t 71. I’m not saying there wasn’t some obvious plastic surgery, but if I can haul my carcass off my Craftmatic adjustable bed (or futuristic equivalent) at that age, I’ll be happy.

Anyway, I’d embed a clip but they aren’t up yet. Here’s Feist’s My Moon, My Man, though.

Music snobby side notes:

• Kid Rock — who the hell do you think you are? Trashy redneck greaseball does not equal smokey jazz crooner. Hands off the ghost of Sammy Davis.
• Foo Fighters.  Winners of best rock album.  So beyond relevant.
• I can’t tell whether it was funny or sad that Jason Bateman explicitly stated the lameness of his hosting gig.
• It was strange looking at the heap of plastic, metal and feathers that used to be Cher.
• Don’t pay attention to Kanye, he won’t keep acting out.

I’m just going to say it — Super Tuesday was a snooze. It’s more like Snooze-per Tuesday. That’s catchy, right?

Shut up.

I watched CNN for a few hours before deciding to cut my losses. Here are some of my reflections on the coverage.

• Did you see Mike Huckabee when he had his back to the camera? No hair! Bald like a baby! Not that I’m judging — I’m due to go completely bald sometime next month — but I just had no idea. He must be intricately coiffed before every single appearance.
• John King is a mesmerizing man to look at. Not in a swoony, dreamy way necessarily. But he just has this bone structure that looks like he should be a GI Joe villain and his eyes were all multiple layers of blue. Like he has seventeen irises.
• No matter how many times Wolf Blitzer calls his crew “the best political team on television,” no one is just going to take him at face value.
• It was really weird to hear things like “North Dakota will be carried by Barack Obama.”
• This was a lot of hoopla for a day that really decided nothing.

TiFaux turns two today.

This is going to be the year we really let ourselves go.

Well, the Golden Globes are basically shot. Which sucks.

They’re definitely the best awards show of the year, both because they do TV and movies and because of the wackiness that always abounds. Whether it’s Christine Lahti on the crapper or Ving Rhames crying like a wee babe, there’s usually something weird that happens. The weepy, self-congratulatory montages are kept to a minimum (at least compared to the Oscars) and the atmosphere is more relaxed.

In any case, we won’t have the awards ceremony to look forward to, but you can fill out this survey on our humble blog. Almost as much fun. Seriously.

We value your opinion. I’ll post later this week with the correct answers.

The Golden Globes were announced this morning and every show you don’t watch was nominated.

First and foremost, The Office was snubbed for Best Comedy in favor of pay-for-me cable shows Entourage, Extras and Californication. And Pushing Daisies (which, hooray!). I’ve had a “Has Everybody Gone Mad?” draft post on the TiFaux back-end for like nine years, so I can’t say I’m thrilled to see it get another nod. Plus, Jeremy Piven got nominated and doesn’t he always win everything? Like, wasn’t he in Oslo for the Nobel proceedings to pick something up for portraying a slightly exaggerated version of himself on Entourage? The good news is that he’s too hot for me to stay mad at (although my secret, not-based-in-reality-at-all theory is that he always takes his mom to reward shows so that he can drop her off afterwards and then flirt with Jessica Alba or whoever).

Where was I? Golden Globes…

As far as the premium channel shows go, that seemed to be the name of the game. All these shows I don’t watch and generally aren’t even a part of my television consciousness walked away with buckets of nominations. Big Love, Californication, Extras (which I can’t begrudge), The Tudors and all sorts of other crap you don’t watch. Well, not crap. If I didn’t know how great Weeds and Dexter were from firsthand viewing experience, I’d hate them too.

Also, weirdo basic cable shows like Saving Grace, The Riches, Mad Men and Damages got a hefty portion of the nominations. I’m sure I’d be happy for them, but who has time to watch FX? Hell, I just realized that Steve Carell’s nomination is the show’s only one. Boo, hiss.

Well, let’s focus on the positive now. 30 Rock and Pushing Daisies! Tina Fey! Lee Pace and Anna Friel! Alec Baldwin! Michael C. Hall! Donald Sutherland!

Take a look at the nominees here.

This is departing from our usual TiFaux fare, but I stumbled across something I thought you guys might be interested in. Well, I’m interested in it so I image you guys might be.

IFC is going to air a movie by Mike Mills (of Thumbsucker fame, not R.E.M.) called Does Your Soul Have a Cold. It’s a documentary about the emergence of antidepressants in Japan — a country that is new to the concept of depression as a mental illness. The movie follows five subjects as they participate in the first wave of people in the country to begin taking the medicines.

There’s an interesting interview with Mills on this Web site Big Screen Little Screen. Here’s an excerpt:

Japanese culture is such an older, more homogeneous culture - you can feel its history when you’re there. So to see this person taking an antidepressant, which is such a Western, American device, it really struck me as a new level of globalization - where global trade, ideas of pharmacology, global economies - literally going inside her body and affecting the most mysterious part of your brain: your sadness. This thing, that somebody who really is depressed is really not in control of, really doesn’t know how to handle, and is at the mercy of. So it seemed like such a fragile place for globalism to be happening.

The movie airs on IFC on Monday, Oct. 22 at 9:00.

If, tomorrow night, the party you’re going to is lame, the date you’re going on is a disaster or you’re just feeling old and tired, I have a perfect excuse for you to call it quits early.

The Comedians of Comedy’s Live at the Troubadour performance special will air on Saturday night (Sunday morning, really). At the very least, you can set your TiFaux. The action starts at 1 a.m. on Comedy Central.

Featured comedians include Patton Oswalt, David Cross, Eugene Mirman, Brian Posehn, Zach Galifianakis and TiFaux favorite (read: my favorite) Maria Bamford.

The Emmys are a dark, twisted, not-at-all-in-touch-with-reality version of what’s “quality” television. Everyone knows this. And yet, they’re not all bad…

30 Rock! 30 Rock! 30 Rock!

After all the frustration of the 3+ hours of miniseries and made-for-TV movies that no one cares about and the puzzling winners and the singing salute to to the Sopranos, it was a relief to see Tina up on stage self-deprecating and getting her just desserts.

Other than that, the whole thing was kind of painful. We started watching half an hour late, but that wasn’t nearly enough time on the ol’ TiFaux to fast-forward past everything we wanted to fast-forward.

Highlights:

• I kind of enjoyed the gladiator-style, possible cage-match, summer production of All’s Well That Ends Well-esque in-the-round set. Easier to spy on the people in the background.
• Steve Carrell, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert.
• Colbert loses to Tony Bennett — what old man singing is going to beat him next year? Can’t wait to hear what he’s going to say about it.
• “It’s HIGH-GUL, actually.”
• Elaine Strich.
• Kristen Bell sitting next to Masi Oka.

Lowlights:

• Ryan Seacrest.
• Jersey Boys musical tribute to the Sopranos. WHY was this necessary?
• Poor Masi Oka having to talk to Tom from MySpace. Ugh. Also, Kristen Bell looked really bored.
• Lewis Black. Irritating. Not funny.
• Why are there so many awards for mini-series and made-for-TV movies? I counted about 87. No one watches mini-series and made-for-TV movies. The same three kept getting called up. BORING.
• NPH and Rainn Wilson got robbed. By Jeremy Piven.
• I don’t know. Everything else, I guess.

The Emmys are on Sunday.

It always sounds like so much fun, right? But then it isn’t. The reasons?

1. The red carpet ends up with awkward chatter between Billy Bush and the fourth supporting actor on CSI: Whatever.
2. The host often ends up being a dud (and this time around there’s nothing that can’t be ruined by Ryan Seacrest).
3. You have to sit through a hundred million awards for the best miniseries/made-for-TV movie and you totally haven’t seen any of them.
4. You spend the whole time wondering if Joan Rivers’ face is just going to snap off and fly across the crowd (although she’s been reduced to Internet live blogging this time).
5. Some pain in the ass show you either don’t watch or don’t care about ends up winning all the awards.

So, yeah. I don’t know why I’m such a Negative Nellie today. But I’m just preparing myself for a Charlie Sheen/Jon Cryer sweep. I’m fully ready to fly into a rage if anyone from that show wins (my hatred for it defies all reason).

Anyways, the real question is this: who do we all want to win? There are going to be some tough choices. Alec or Steve? Heroes or House? The entire ‘meh’ best supporting actress in a drama category.

Here are all the awards anyone cares about. Sound off!