We’re breaking freeeeeee!

High School Musical is everywhere these days, even more so than usual, and it’s been a while since we reiterated how cool and up-to-the-minute we are with the hot teen trends. The DVD has been destroying everything in its path. The girl — Gabrielle? I’ve watched this thing twice and I can’t seem to make these names stick — just signed a record deal. What can’t this show do?

Next week predictions: Sharpay stars opposite Ben Affleck in a remake of The Seven Year Itch. That guy from Jersey Boys relinques his Tony Award to Troy. Ryan gets elected to Congress and spearheads a campaign to legalize gay marriage. Etc. (In truth, they are all still starring in The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, which I suppose I will now TiFaux to keep up my “street cred” with the “kids,” and to simultaneously lose all my “street cred” with “adults.”)