Remember Dinosaurs?

That is all.

In the grand TiFaux tradition of watching crap so you don’t have to, I suffered through about half an hour of the Teen Choice Awards last night. After this careful viewing, I was left with one disturbing question: where are all the teenage boys?

The event, judging purely from the awards, the level of banter, and the neverending squealing, seemed so girly it was practically ovulating. I laughed heartily the two times Zac Efron took the stage; the audience literally would not let him speak, overwhelming him with squeals.

If this is what the teen girls are in to, what are the teen boys watching? Seriously, I want to know. Also, why is it that teen girls have absolutely no sense of humor? The boys from Superbad and Justin Timberlake all tried to crack jokes, but the audience was dead to their antics.

Which brings me to another oddity: Superbad is rated R, and not in a mild, there’s one sex scene way. It’s an R movie. Technically teens aren’t even allowed to see it. Similarly, Ryan Seacrest won “Best Hissy Fit” for Knocked Up (which, as an aside, was an awesome hissy fit), but did these squealing girls actually go see Knocked Up? Or are they just voting for Ryan Seacrest, who’s so dreamy? Or has the voting been infiltrated by non-teens?

I think teens should see as many R rated movies as they can. That’s just a personal belief of mine. But I’m curious about the blatant hypocrisy.

So clearly I was left with a lot more than just one disturbing question. Perhaps that’s why I had to give up and turn it off: So many contradictions!

Those 80s Jane Fonda workout tapes were bad for you. The news said so.

• The U.S. version of Creature Comforts is coming to DVD in October!
• Plans to make High School Musical 3 about a haunted house have been scrapped in favor of more of the same.
• MTV will have a reality show called Celebrity Rap Superstar (it’s just what it sounds like), and it will feature one of the Playboy Girls Next Door.
• Hulk Hogan’s son got hurt in a car accident.
• John from Cincinnati got arrested for a DUI.
• The guy who wrote Dexter lurves Michael C. Hall.
• Chelsea Lately has been renewed by E!
• LC’s fashion label is getting support from MTV.