The Nanny credits.

This is the greatest in the “sing-a-summary-of-the-show” genre of credit sequences, which also includes The Beverly Hillbillies, Gilligan’s Island, Green Acres, and of course The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. These types of credits are out of fashion now, but they’re always, always awesome.

So, guess what? I’ve been watching Cane.

Cane is a show that is still on the air. You should watch it, maybe?

I’m an episode or two behind, but I have to say that for a show that has remarkably little buzz, it’s a pretty worthy show. Not something that’s going to inspire unending, Veronica Mars-ish devotion, but it’s something you would look forward to catching up on.

The show centers around the monied Duque family (they own a sugar empire in south Florida) and their sexy Cuban lives. Everything they do is passionate — they love passionately, they fight passionately, when they do the dishes or clip their fingernails they do it with all the zeal they can muster. So you may start watching Cane for the sweeping intergenerational drama, but you stay for all the sexy Cubans.

Rowr.

Here’s the run-down of the family — it’s super complicated, but I’ll give you the basics:

Pancho is the patriarch and is played by Hector Elizondo, who I always associate with his long tenure on Chicago Hope (remember that show?). He’s dying. I’m not sure how slow he’s going to die, because I figure they’ll want to keep him around for a season or two (assuming the show makes it multiple seasons). His wife is played by Rita Moreno. Yes, she’s Puerto Rican. The casting folks at Cane are kind of pulling a Memoirs of a Geisha by casting people of various Latin backgrounds rather than just sticking with Cubans. Not that I necessarily have a huge issue with that — I don’t — but some folks are grumbling.

Alex and Frank are Pancho’s sons. Alex is the CEO of the sugar kingdom (get it — Cane?) and is a bit of a, very roughly speaking, latin Tony Soprano. Switch the manicotti with tamales, waste management with rum and sugar production and you’ll have a similar feel. He’s a family man at heart, but there’s a distinct separation between the dirty work of the business and the moneyed extravagance of the home life. He’s played by Jimmy Smits (Puerto Rican, not that I’m keeping count). Alex is also married to Pancho’s daughter which is sort of sweet once you reconcile to yourself that it’s not incest.

Frank hates Alex because Alex is actually an adoptive son. It’s a whole thing — I won’t get into it. But Frank (played by hottie-in-chief Nestor Carbonell — who I also associate with a silly nineties series, this time Suddenly Susan) is secretly banging the daughter of the rival Samuels’ family, Ellis. Ellis is played by a woman named Polly. Polly often slips into an English accent. Pretend not to notice.

There’s also a Duque brother named Henry, but he’s off on his own most of the time running his dance club. Henry’s the least interesting part of the series.

The brothers are all different, but united by their flat abs and those incredible V hip bones. It’s Miami — there’s a lot of shirtlessness. There’s a whole lot more to the series: a murder cover-up, corporate warfare, token female characters, etc. It’s basically a classy soap, but it adds an interesting dimension with the Cuban angle and all of the complications that arise because of the business. It’s nice to see a drama that produces conflict based on factors other than hairpin changes of emotion (Grey’s Anatomy).

Daddy, I want a coveted Mirrorball Trophy!

• This morning, it’s a virtual Dancing with the Stars news buffet! The rundown: Helio wins! Mel B. finishes second! The American viewing public loses! And what of Marie Osmond? Tscha, everybody hates that phony. Even Mo Rocca.
• Over at America’s Next Top Model, Twiggy’s out, and Paulina Porizkova’s in. I’ve already started a petition to replace the utterly frightening Jay Manuel with considerably less scary Ric Ocasek. I’ll forward it to you on my lunch break.
• Bam! The Food Network cancels Emeril Live. Reaction runs the gamut from utter euphoria to complete indifference.
• Here’s a fun little rundown of recognizable cartoon-character vocalists. Since this is TiFaux, and since the list encompasses both film and TV, I expect you to pay attention to only the latter.
• Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali are doubling up on the revamped American Gladiators, which NBC just announced would premiere in January, and Sarah Jessica Parker probably won’t be revisiting Project Runway anytime soon. I’m combining these two items because I think it’d be neat if Hogan guest-judged a PR challenge to make lycra bodysuits that look fashionable and flirty for a day in the wrestling arena or a night out on the town.
• Without his staff of writers to make him funny and/or palatable as his late-night talk show returns, Carson Daly wants you — yes, YOU! — to help him tell jokes. I don’t know any good ones, but I will gladly assist him on breaking up his run-on sentences. Meanwhile, NBC is airing Tonight Show reruns from Jay Leno’s vintage years. Ah, 1992. Nice bouquet.

After the great comments on my credits post of yesterday, I thought it would be interesting to talk about credit sequences of yore. In that post, I had tried to stick to shows currently on the air. But the greatness of the Freaks and Geeks credit sequence just can’t be denied.

I’m also quite fond of the original Veronica Mars credits, mostly for the awesome song. I didn’t even mind too much when they changed it for the third season, though I know that was a controversial move. Arrested Development, too, packed backstory and narration into a fun and funny little bit.

Before the aughts, credits were not nearly as diverse and creative as they are now. They were often too long, full of standard, cheesy montages, and mostly tedious. For fun, and to see what I mean, check out the credits to LA Law. A lot like Full House. And Perfect Strangers. And many, many other shows. Even ER — and, by the way, I was horrified to hear that they’d changed the theme song recently — doesn’t exactly rock the world of credit sequences.

Of course, I have a lot less personal experience with older shows, so I probably have no idea what I’m talking about. Older people, what am I missing? Was there a notoriously great/bad credit sequence that rocked/sucked in the 70s or 80s?

Though not groundbreaking compared to newer shows, I find that I’m kind of enjoying the Miami Vice credits. See if you agree.